Across the Seas
by TellAllYourFriends
Summary: [AU] Lily is torn between loving her husband and his best friend.  Should she do what is right, or should she follow her heart?
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

The day had been cold and rainy. The light in the woods surrounding him was dim. The ground was cold and wet, but he didn't care. He brushed a hand through his messy hair. He scanned the area once more, gazing through the woods to sense any sign of peculiarity. But then, the most beautiful sight he could ever imagine came before his eyes.

Through the looming cedar trees, came a young girl, about seventeen. She stepped towards him, taking one glance behind her shoulder.

"Hello," she said. Her voice was soft.

He smiled at her arrival and walked toward her. "I've missed you," he said taking her hand in his.

"I've missed you, too," she said, gazing into his eyes. He pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her. He gently pressed his lips onto hers, cherishing every second of her presence.

It wasn't that these two hadn't seen each other. They actually had spent the previous evening dining together. But she had been, to him at least, drawn away from him, captivated by his best friend.

He knew she didn't mean to. He knew that that was how it was supposed to be. But he couldn't let go of the past that easy. He couldn't let go of her, just yet. But he couldn't give up his place. He couldn't give up the place that had taken him so long to earn.

And so he defied all odds and became not only a loyal friend, but also a secret lover.

And thus, their relationship was confined to late night meetings, secret passageways, and abandoned broom cupboards. It had to be kept a secret to protect not only themselves, but their respected societies, as well.

* * *

**Preface**

It had been an ancient war, inherited generation after generation. It was commonly known as the war between good and evil. It finally began to cool down, when our story begins.

The lands were separated by the Undyl Sea. On the west side, the sun brightly lit the shorelines of Oloro. The waters were translucent blue and the sand was fine and warm. The markets were full of chattering and laughter. Not a cloud brew in the side.

Across the way, the east was covered in a thick layer of fog. The waters were murky and the shores were rocky. Thick cedar trees grew all around the premises shading the island so that even when the clouds parted and the fog thinned, thin beams of sunlight could be seen.

It was said that these rare rays of light could change a snail to a butterfly. Some said it was the sight of a vibrant color that ignited the magic. Others said it was simply an illusion. But the light nonetheless held some type of magic, different to all that known to mankind. It was a deep magic, which had been embedded into the region centuries ago.

The Black family had ruled these lands for centuries. A strong monarchy had held the land to a standstill. Usath, or the Land of Black as it was called, had been sought out for peace from its neighboring brother, Oloro. Arcturus Black, ruler of the land, was in the middle of negotiations when he was brutally murdered by a clan of trolls living on the outskirts of the territory.

The next eldest, abled male in the pedigree, was Sirius Black, a fun loving, partying , inexperienced boy at the age of nineteen. He inherited the throne, with a close group of advisors by his side.

This assassination was wonderful news once relayed across the sea. The ruler of Oloro was Rufus Scrimgeour, who won a fair majority in the election, earlier. Scrimgeour felt it would be easy to manipulate the distraught nation to a full-fledged peace agreement, and perhaps even take control of parts of the region.

Scrimgeour knew of the self-centered, newly elected King Black. "I hear the sound of the spoils coming from the east," he was quoted saying to his personnel. And he was indeed correct. Sirius had been corrupted by the Spoils System, and his new power as King. He appointed his best friend, James Potter, as his second. But he still rejected the peace offers from his neighbors in the west leaving a disgruntled and desperate Scrimgeour to seek alternative solutions to the threatening menace in the east.


	2. Contentment

_I. Contentment – a source of satisfaction_

* * *

"Miss Evans! There you are! I've been searching all around the castle for you!" 

Lily Evans was on the beach standing with her feet in the water. She had been sitting in a large hollow rock that made a sort of cave with the sand. It had been her hideout since she was a little girl.

"You mean, you of _all_ people had know idea where I would be?" she was talking to her first maiden, who had been with her since her birth. Her name was Belqua. Her hair was always wrapped up in a tight bun clipped at the back of her head. She took Lily's hand and led her away from the beach toward the castle.

"I didn't think you came here anymore. You haven't been out here in ages," Belqua said.

"I was just feeling so – so frustrated today," Lily said.

"I know, Lily," Belqua said, putting her arm around her. "But that is your duty. You marry and become a wife. Unless you want to end up an old maid like, myself." She chuckled at her own joke.

Lily smiled. "I know, I know. But I just want to choose whom I marry. I don't want anyone to have to choose for me. Especially not my father."

The Evans family had been one of the most prestigious families in Oloro for ages. Lily was to marry Benjy Fenwick, much to her dismay. Benjy was a prestigious general in the army sent overseas to fight the Blacks. He had always been kind to Lily, but Lily thought of him as dull and boring.

"It'll all turn out right, Lily," Belqua said. "Don't you worry. Don't you worry."

"I hope sooner rather than later," Lily grumbled.

"Well right now, you should be in your chambers dressing for dinner," Belqua snapped as they neared the castle steps.

* * *

"You think this room would look better in brown?" Sirius Black asked, as he kicked back with his legs thrown over his throne. James Potter was sitting at a table shuffling cards. 

"If your going to change it, don't change it to brown. Change it to yellow or something," James said, beginning to deal out three piles of cards. "Care for a game?" he asked.

"Yello? I don't think so," Sirius said. "Deal me in."

They began to play with their other friend Remus Lupin. They were into their third round when the chamber doors swung open and in stomped a group of sullen looking wizards.

"Sirius, where have you been? We have been looking for you. There has been an attack on the southern border," said Lucius Malfoy, a commander of one of the fighting units.

"Don't get your hair all tangled, Luci," Sirius joked. "I'm sure you all are doing a fine job for me."

Malfoy cracked his knuckles and took a deep breath. "Please don't ever call me that again," Malfoy said.

"Sir, we need your authority to make any further advancements," said Rodolphus Lestrange.

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Sirius said, waving his hand at the group. "Do whatever you need to."

"Thank you, sir," Lestrange said, bowed with the other men, sans Malfoy, and left.

"I don't think they get it, yet," Sirius said.

"Get what?" Remus asked.

"That they're the ones that are going to make all the decisions. I can't," Sirius said.

"Well, I think you need to take some authority," James said.

"I think I'm doing a fine job, given my circumstances," Sirius scoffed, looking at his cards.

"Well, what are your circumstances?" James asked.

"Uh I'm young," he said.

"And foolish?" James added.

"Yes, and foolish."

"And ugly?"

"And ug—wait!"

"Well, yeah, but they're not going to be around forever," Remus said.

"Yeah, I know that," Sirius said, defensively, "and I do make decisions. I was the one who decided the location to build the new bridge."

"Yes, but I think with you so uninvolved with these dealings, it might come off to other countries as a sign of weakness, you know?" James said.

Sirius looked at him and then back at his cards. "Yeah I guess you're right. I need to start getting involved. I knew I made you my second for some reason," Sirius said, punching James in the arm.

"Ouch," James said, returning the favor.

* * *

"Benjy has been killed," Lily's father announced over dinner one evening. "The Blacks killed him during the excursion. Lily remained silent. A wave of relief washed over her, but she dare not show it in front of her father. 

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I know he was a good fighter."

Evans cleared his throat. "He was," he said. "His father is a wreck. But he was also your betrothed."

The rest of the meal proceeded in silence, until finally Lily was excused. She raced down to the kitchens to see Belqua.

"Belqua! Belqua! Benjy has been killed!" she exclaimed.

"I wouldn't go shouting that with glee around the grounds, if I were you," Belqua warned.

"I know, but I'm just so _relieved_," she said.

"Yes, I know you are," Belqua said. "But I heard we lost a lot of men in that battle. Scrimgeour doesn't know what to do next."

"Hmm," Lily said.

"Now, Miss Evans, if you'll excuse me, I have some work to finish up," she said.

"Ok," Lily said. "I'm going to take a walk around the gardens."

"Now? It's 10 o' clock!"

"Oh don't be a worry wart, Belqua."

Lily walked around the gardens. If she couldn't get out of the castle grounds to think, she would often wander around the gardens. She breathed in the floral scent of the flowers around her. She began to think about the future. She felt liberated, now that Benjy Fenwick was dead.

Now she could explore the world. She could travel, and meet new people. She could fall in love with who she wanted, wherever he may be.

Just then, a door swung open. Lily jumped and hid behind a rose bush, where she wouldn't be seen. She peered out to see who had interrupted them. She recognized her father and Scrimgeour.

"That attack was damaging, Rufus," Evans said.

"I know, I know," Scrimgeour said, rubbing his hand on his head. "We have to do something."

"But what?" asked Evans.

"Maybe if we give them something…" Scrimgeour began.

"Yes," Evan agreed. "Something to distract them. An offering to show them our peace!"

"But what could we give them?"

"A woman," Evans said. "One to marry their King and become Queen. One to tame him and soothe his irrational ways."

"But who? We can't give him a peasant. They'd take it as an insult," Scrimgeour said.

"We will give them my youngest daughter," Evans said. Lily's jaw dropped.

"Would you be willing to make that sacrifice?" Scrimgeour asked.

"Yes. I have Petunia to keep in the area. And Lily is much prettier, more his age too."

"Well then its settled," Scrimgeour said. "We will offer them your youngest daughter, Lily Evans. Thank you for helping me, old friend." They hugged and retreated back to the castle.

Lily bustled out of the bush, in shock. _What do they think I am? Some flower? Some boat that can be passed on as a peace offering?_ she thought.

She felt enraged, sad, angered, betrayed. She didn't want to be given away to some man she'd never met before. At least she knew Benjy Fenwick. She sat down on a bench and began to cry.

* * *

"They're offering you a girl," said Ludovic Bagman. 

"A girl?" Sirius exclaimed.

"Yes, one for you to marry," Bagman said.

"You hear that, James? They're offering me a girl! I really am king, aren't I?" Sirius said, happily.

James rolled his eyes. "Don't let it go to your head."

"What should our answer be?" Bagaman asked.

"Well, yes, of course," Sirius said, automatically.

"But sire," Bagman said, "we should be careful in our dealings with them. Accepting this offer could lead us into a hole we can't get out of."

"Well, I'm king, so what I say goes," Sirius said. "I want the girl."

"Yes sire," Bagman said.

"Really, we _must_ think this through," Malfoy said. "I'm not so sure if it's such a good idea."

"Oh Luci, you're just jealous because no countries are offering you girls," Sirius said.

"I asked you not to call me Luci," Malfoy said clenching his fists.

"Oh, yes you did, didn't you? Sorry about that. But I am the king," Sirius said once more, "and I do make the decisions around here."

"Only when they concern you," Malfoy blurted out. "Not when they concern the well-being of this nation!"

"Ah! Excuse you, Mr. Malfoy!" Sirius exclaimed. "Who decided where the new bridge would be, huh?"

"What does that have to do with anything? That bridge is an entire waste of time and money!" Malfoy said starting to get frustrated.

"Was not! It's highly useful. It'll save me at least three meters walking distance to get to the dining room, and I won't have to step in mud!"

"Exactly my point! It only benefits _you_!" Malfoy argued,

"_Ahem_. What my colleague, Mr. Malfoy means, about the whole girl issue," Rodolphus Lestrange cut in, "is that we should really consider all the options before we decide anything for sure." He cleared his throat. "Why don't I go over there and work things out a bit?"

"That might not be such a bad idea after all," Sirius said. "But I'm sending my second with you. James, you always wanted to travel overseas didn't you?" Sirius asked.

"Well, yes I did," James said, stepping forward.

"Perfect then! When will they be expecting us?" Sirius asked, gleeful.

"In fourteen days," Bagman said, looking at the parchment.

"Great! Er – how many days does it take to get there?" Sirius asked.

"Two days by boat, sire," Bagman said.

"Wonderful! Then you will leave three days early, so James can spend some time looking around. Wouldn't you like that James?"

"Yes, thank you very much," he said gratefully.

"Then is everything settled gentlemen?" Sirius asked. "Because I would really like to continue tending to my own business."

There was a grumble of agreement among the men and they left the chamber. Sirius lay back down on his bed and threw a ball up in the air and caught it coming down.

"Wow, a girl. For me!" he said happily.

James smiled at his friend's obvious excitement.

* * *

_A/N_: Thanks for reading my story. It is loosely based on Tristan and Isolde, with some differences. I'm going to try and finish this before Deathly Hallows comes out. Please review!! 


	3. Bliss

_II. Bliss – supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment_

* * *

The light blinded James as he pulled into the port across the sea from his home. "Are we to go straight to the castle?" he asked Rodolphus Lestrange, standing next to him. 

"I don't think we need to. We're not needed for three more days."

"Well, _I'd_ like to go up there, and get out of this god-awful sun," Lucius Malfoy exclaimed.

"I'll have a look around with you, James," said Remus Lupin, Sirius and James' friend who was forced along in order to get out of the house.

"All right," James said. "We'll see you mates a little later. Assuming we don't find any trouble," James winked.

"Now you two behave yourselves. You're representing our country while you are here," Lestrange warned.

"Oh we won't do anything to disrespect the country name. You can bet on it, Rodolphus," James said before he and Remus made their way off the boat and onto the dock.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Malfoy said to Lestrange. "They're probably going to end up doing something stupid."

"You know Sirius would be livid if he found out we didn't let Potter do whatever he wanted," Lestrange said, tying a knot in his rope.

Malfoy groaned. "I sure am getting tired of all his crap."

* * *

"Miss Evans!" Belqua hissed, "We really shouldn't be doing this!" 

"Shh! Someone will catch us!" Lily hissed back. They were climbing through branches to sneak past the guards of the castle walls. Lily was dressed in peasant clothing, her hair wrapped up under her cloak.

"Lily! We shouldn't be doing this," Belqua repeated.

"Belqua, you really need to be quiet," Lily threatened. They were almost through the bushes. "We're almost there."

Lily emerged on the other side to a deep wood of trees. She looked around as Belqua brushed all the branches off her robes.

"N-now where to?" Lily asked, suddenly afraid.

"This was _your_ idea, Miss Evans. You tell me," Belqua said, even though she knew the path to the market.

"I think it's this way," Lily decided walking in one direction. Belqua didn't move. "Or maybe it's this way," she second-minded. Belqua gave a small laugh. "Which way is it, Belqua?" Lily demanded.

"How should _I_ know?" Belqua said.

"You only go down there every day to get fruit!" Lily said.

"Well, I don't know the way from here," she lied. "We should just go back."

"No! Belqua!" Lily sighed, "I promise we'll come back to the castle tonight if you lead the way," she said reluctantly.

"Oh, all right. Its this way," Belqua said and began walking off into the distance. Lily skipped after her in glee.

"Would you look at all this stuff, Belqy," Lily said twirling around. They were now in the marketplace swarmed by people. "And look at all these _people_!"

"Wow," Belqua said sarcastically. "I've never seen anything like it."

"Its amazing!" Lily said. She ran over to a stand of apples and picked one up. Belqua followed behind her giving a coin to the owner.

"Miss Evans," Belqua said, "You really shouldn't be wandering off like that."

"Stop calling me that, here," Lily hissed. "You can call me Lily," she said. At that moment, she saw a stand of books. "Books!" she said and ran towards them.

"Yes, like we don't have enough already," Belqua said.

"We don't!" Lily said.

"Obviously you haven't been to the library in the west wing," Belqua said.

"Uh, Belqua, I've only lived in that tomb my whole life. Of course I've been to the library in the west wing. These books are just so real."

Belqua rolled her eyes. "Now Miss Evans, I really must stress your safety while we are down here. You really need to be careful."

"Careful of what?" Lily said.

"I just mean, don't give out your name or your true identity. If your father found out you were down here—"

"Look!" Lily said. "_The Odyssey_! My favorite!"

* * *

In the marketplace James and Remus were having a drink at one of the pubs.

"Ever been in love James?" Remus asked.

"No. Love is overrated," James replied.

"You're crazy," Remus said. "Love is powerful and magical and—"

"We're _all_ magical, Remus."

"But love does something to you. Love makes everything in the world stop. Love fills your heart with a feeling unlike anything else," wooed Remus.

"Have _you_ ever been in love, Remus?" James asked.

"Yes," he said. "But she never loved me back."

James suspected that that was the worst type of love. The love with no return. He didn't understand how some person could pour their heart out and just have it rejected and pushed away.

"I'm sorry about that, Rem," James said. "Hey, you wanna find love tonight?"

Remus looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean there has to be some girls out there who are in search of some handsome bachelors like us," James said.

"I don't know," Remus said.

"C'mon! It'll be fun!" James grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the bar in search for some girls. But Remus was instantly distracted by a stand of books and wandered off towards them. James rolled his eyes and followed him. _So much for that,_ he thought.

James was leaning against a rack of books, waiting for Remus to finish. He was itching to go to the other side of the marketplace to look at the weaponry. It was just then that he spotted an attractive girl with her nose buried in what he and Sirius teased Remus of reading what they called "monsterbooks."

She was pretty, he thought. Her hair was wrapped up in her cloak, but she had a nice face. James felt the sudden urge to talk to her.

"Hi," he said, going up behind her. She twirled around to look at him and smiled.

"Hi," she said. He stuck out his hand and she shook it.

"My name is James," he said.

"I'm—" she glanced at Belqua who gave her a stern look. "I'm Emena," she said the first name that came into her head.

"Emena," James said. "That's interesting."

"Well, thanks," she said, taking it as a compliment. Belqua cleared her throat. "Oh, this is Belqua, my friend."

"Pleasure to meet you, Belqua. That's my friend over there, Remus," he pointed to Remus whose nose was buried in a book.

Lily smiled. "I see he likes to read."

"You have no idea," James said. "Do you like to read?"

"Sometimes," she said. "If it's a good book."

"I hate it," James said.

"Oh you do, do you?" Lily said.

"Yeah I don't see the point of it," he brushed a hand through his messy black hair.

"It's an alternate reality to escape to when everything else is wrong," she said.

"Why escape?" he challenged.

She smiled. "Some people aren't satisfied with their lives."

"Are you satisfied?" he asked.

"Right now, I am," she said.

"Well, what are you reading?" he asked.

"Homer," she said.

"Hmmm… I never got around to that one," he said.

"Ever tried?" Lily asked.

"Nah. I haven't the time anyway," he said.

"Nobody ever does," she said looking back at her book.

He smiled. "Would you like to have a drink with me?"

"Su—" she began but Belqua cut in.

"I think we really must be going, _Emena,_" Belqua urged.

"Yes, you're right, Belqua," Lily said. "I'm sorry, but I must leave now. It was a pleasure to meet you, James." She turned to leave.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, too," James called after her. He watched her walk a few paces until he followed her shouting "Wait! Emena, wait!" jShe stopped and turned around to look at him. "Can I see you tomorrow?" he asked.

She smiled. "I think I'd like that," she said.

"Where can I find you?" he asked.

"Er - I'll find you," she replied as Belqua tugged on her arm.

He smiled as she walked away. Remus rejoined him, mystified by the smile on his face.

"What happened to you?" Remus asked.

"I found love," James said, winking.

"I though you didn't believe in love?" asked Remus.

"I never said that," James laughed.

* * *

"Oh, wasn't he just _dreamy_?" Lily asked Belqua, later after they had returned to the castle.

"You're meddling with danger, Miss Evans. I would be careful if I were you," Belqua warned.

"Oh stop fretting, Belqua. I'll be fine," Lily said. "But we must go back tomorrow."

"_No_," Belqua said sternly. "We will _not_ be returning."

"But, Belqua! Please! I will never ask you for anything again. Please," Lily begged.

"No. And that is my final word on the matter," Belqua said and packed up her things and slammed Lily's door shut.

Lily rolled her eyes. She'd get out of the castle.

The next morning, Lily woke up early, before Belqua entered. She quietly dressed herself in old clothes and exited her chamber. She tiptoed down the steps all the way to the kitchen. There was a door there. She quietly opened it and let herself out. Now she knew the way to the marketplace, thanks to Belqua.

She made it there without a problem. But once there, she was lost. Where would he be? She knew she shouldn't have played hard-to-get. She walked around aimlessly, for some while. She was just about to give up and go home when she saw a head of messy black hair. It's him, she told herself.

He was carrying a bouquet of flowers. She walked up to him. "Hello," she said.

"Hello," he replied. "Oh. These are for you," he said, handing her the flowers.

"They're beautiful! Thank you very much!" she said. "So what do you want to do today?"

"I don't know," he said. "I'm kind of new around here."

"Let's go to the ocean. I'll show you my favorite spot." She took him by the hand to the beach and to her cave.

"Its beautiful here," he said.

"Isn't it?" she replied, looking around. "I love it."

"This whole place is beautiful! Where I come from, its very dark," he said.

"Where are you from?" she asked.

He hesitated but decided to tell her the truth. "I'm from – far away," he said.

"Oh," she said quietly. She looked at him. He was very handsome. She felt a connection with him, one that she had never felt with anyone else. She liked him and she wanted to get to know him better. _You're leaving soon_, said the back of her mind, but she pushed the thought away. She was just going to be a normal girl. She would just avoid that subject altogether.

Suddenly she realized her face was close to his. He leaned in to kiss her. His kiss was soft and tender. She returned it. After a few moments he pulled away. He caressed a hand on her cheek.

"You look beautiful," he said. She took out her long red hair, letting it fall across her shoulders. She smiled and looked into his eyes. She had never felt happier.

Just then somebody stormed over interrupting them. "Miss—er—Emena!" It was Belqua. "You really need to be getting home, _now_." Lily knew she was mad, but she didn't move. "Emena!" Belqua repeated.

"All right! All right!" she said. "Can we have a moment though?"

"Fine, but only a moment," Belqua said walking away.

"She sure is protective of you," James laughed. "And you sure do have to go home a lot."

"Yes, I know. But I'll meet you here tomorrow, all right? At noon?" she said. "Of course, that is, if you want to see me again."

"Yes, I think I do want to see you again," he said smiling at her. "I really like you Emena."

"I really like you too," she replied.

"Tomorrow is my last day here," he told her.

"Oh," she said, sadly. "Then we should make it a day to remember," she said. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and then left to meet with Belqua.

"Oh Miss Evans," Belqua said. "You put me in a _terrible _position today! Your father is looking for you!"

_Well, you're going to be in the same position tomorrow_, Lily thought.

* * *

_A/N: _Thanks for the reviews! I hope you liked this chapter. More L/J action next chapter. I currently have up to chapter five done and I am working on chapter six. I am predicting this to be about a 10 chapter story, more or less. Please review! 


	4. Discovery

_III. Discovery – the act of seeing, learning of, finding, or gaining sight or knowledge of_

* * *

"Lily, is that you?"

"Yes, father. You wanted to see me?"

"Yes. Come in." Lily walked and stood in front of her father, who was reading a book. He closed his book, and took his spectacles off. "I want to talk to you about something."

"All right," she said.

"You know Benjy is dead," he began. Lily nodded. "I have set up an agreement with the Land of Black."

"I'm a peace offering," Lily said nodding.

He peered at her. "They are here now. You will leave with them tomorrow."

"All right," she said. "Is that all?"

He looked at her. "Yes. You may go." Lily left, and walked quietly up to her room, where she sat on her bed and cried.

"She's amazing!" James said to Remus. "I'm seeing her tomorrow."

"That's great," Remus said, "too bad we have to leave in two days."

"Don't mention that," James said, burying his hands in his face. They were at the Evans castle. "I need to go for a walk," he said standing up. He got up and left the room. He spent a couple hours wandering around the castle. He wandered through the kitchens and picked up a bread roll. Then he went out to the garden. There was a girl there already. She turned to look at him when he entered.

"Oh, excuse me," he said, taking a glance at her.

"That's ok," she mumbled. She was sitting alone on a bench, not paying any attention to him. There was something familiar about her. He pretended to be very interested in the rose bushes. He kept glancing from the plants to her. She was just sitting, staring at the ground. She looked so sad. Then it hit him. Her hair.

"Emena?" he blurted out.

"Excuse me?" she asked looking up. And then she recognized him. "James? Is that you?"

"Emena!" he said rushing over to her. "What are you doing here? I thought you lived near the marketplace?"

"Oh… no… no… I—er—I live _here_," she stammered. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"This is where I'm staying. I'm… leaving tomorrow," he said. Her face expression then changed.

"Oh, cool," she said looking away from him.

"But you're here! Right here in front of me! I've been thinking about you all day," he said taking her hand in his.

She smiled a small smile. "James… We can't do this."

He looked at her, confused. "But why?"

"Because," she started, "because you are leaving soon."

"What does that matter?" he asked.

"You don't understand," she said looking down.

"Then help me to," he said.

"I just don't want to – I mean -- I want to make it _count_," she said.

"Then let's make tonight count," he said, and pressed his lips on hers.

Before long they were creeping upstairs to Lily's room. Trying quietly to not disturb Belqua and have her catch them. So they spent the night together, making love and relishing in each other's limited presence.

* * *

The next day they spent on the shores, holding hands and walking barefoot in the sand. The wind blew through her hair, rippling it like flames licking a log. James had never felt so exhilarated, than he did when he was with Lily, or to him Emena.

Lily knew she had to leave soon, but she didn't want to realize or admit it. She didn't know what she would do and any time it came up she pushed it to the back of her mind. Yet she still felt a pang of guilt every time he called her Emena.

As the day came to a close James began to feel it. He didn't want to leave her. She had changed his life in the short few days he had known her and he was sad to have to leave her.

"I don't want to leave you," he told her.

"Let's not think about it," she said, pushing the subject away, like she had all day.

"But look," he said, pointing to the setting sun. "We're running out of time."

She turned to him and looked him in the eye. "If your feelings really are true, then time will never matter. We'll find a way." Then she kissed him, with all the passion and feeling she had been dealing with for the past three days. The arrival of Belqua a few moments later signaled the end of the day.

It was one of the hardest things James had ever had to do: say goodbye. And it was equally hard for Lily. She felt horrible. She would be marrying another man in a week, and she would never see this man again. She had never felt so empty inside.

"Goodbye, Emena," he said, with such sincerity she had to choke back tears.

"Goodbye, James," she said. He held her hands in his and looked deep into her eyes. They shared one last passionate kiss. She wished she could be in his arms forever, but knew she would have to leave eventually. "I have to go," she said, wiping a tear from her eye. James nodded looking down.

"I know," he said. They let go of each other and she turned away.

"Don't forget me, now," she said light-heartedly. Her voice was shaky and she was holding back all she could not to cry.

He smiled. "How could I?" She smiled back at him one last time, and then left.

James remained, a few moments longer, just staring out at the sea and watching the waves crash onto the shore. He stared out to the east, where he would be returning in a few days. He began to dread it. He wanted to stay in the west, where it was sunny and bright, and where he could be happy. But things never turned out the way he wanted.

Lily spent the rest of the night crying. Belqua tried to comfort her, but it did no good. She did not want to leave her home. She did not want to marry a man she had never met before. She wanted to spend the rest of her days growing old with James. She felt a connection with James, one that she had with no one else before. She missed him. She wanted to see him again.

* * *

The next morning, Lily was a mess. She would be leaving at 11 o' clock. She was dressed into a simple gown by a few maids. Her clothing was heavy on her. It was weighing her down and she felt helpless beneath it. She had no energy to do anything. At 11, she solemnly walked behind her maids to the main hall. A group of men were there, arguing. She heard her father's voice, but cared not to listen.

Belqua walked in front and introduced her to the men. "Gentlemen," she said, "I present to you Lady Lily Evans of Oloro."

Lily stepped slowly down the staircase, keeping her eyes cast downward. "Aah, Lily," her father said. He was waiting at the base to take her hand. His hand was cold to her, unlike James', which had been warm and soft.

"Gentlemen," he said, "my daughter." They bowed before her, and she lifted her head. There were four or five of them, most dressed in black.

"G'day, your ladyship," a scraggly young man said. He looked vaguely familiar, but Lily couldn't pinpoint where she had seen him. She nodded to him.

"Good day," she murmured.

"We will be shipping off any minute now," he informed her Your things have already been loaded onto the ship."

"Yes," she said, "thank you."

"I guess that's it, isn't it?" her father chuckled. "As you know, she will be accompanied by her first maiden."

"Yes, of course," said one of the men. "Then if all is settled, should we be off?"

"Right you are, Rodolphus," Evans said. "The dock is right this way." He led the way out to the dock. Lily entered after the men, but one man had stayed behind.

"Emena? Is that you?" he whispered. Lily's eyes snapped to the owner of the voice.

"James!" she said, flabbergasted. "What are you doing here?"

"I might ask the same to you!" he replied.

"Lily, my dear!" came her father's voice.

"Yes, Father. I'm coming!" she called. She felt her heart pounding beneath her chest. She stepped out on to the dock, where her father stood waiting. Most of the men had already walked on board. She could feel James move behind her.

"Goodbye, Father," she said.

"Goodbye, Lily," he said. She leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek.

He pulled his face to her ear. "Don't do anything foolish," he whispered to her. "This is our only chance for true peace. You are our last hope."

"Yes, Father," she replied pulling away. Lily and Belqua then boarded the ship and it was cast off into the bay moments later. She stood by the side of her ship until her home was no longer in view. There were so many emotions running through her mind. The thought of never seeing home again. The thought that James was here, with her on the same boat. The thought that she would be married to a man she had never seen before. She felt so confused and overwhelmed by everything.

After they had been a few miles out at sea, Lily walked to her cabin that was sectioned off from the rest of the boat. Belqua followed behind her.

"What do I do, Belqua?" she asked, helplessly.

"I think now the truth could play a big part," Belqua said, sarcastically.

"Wait a minute," Lily said, "you were the one who told me to tell him a fake name."

"That was before you two _fell in love_," Belqua retorted. "You could have told him the truth, when you saw him the second time. It would have been more tolerable than finding out the way he did."

Lily sighed and stared out the window. "Will you send him in?" she asked.

* * *

James was at the stern, staring out at sea. Emena had lied to him. She had been lying to him this whole time. In fact, she wasn't even Emena, a humble girl who had been nothing more than a maiden. Now she was Lily, a soon-to-be Queen who would marry his best friend. He didn't know how to feel. He didn't know if he should be happy that he would be with Lily for longer. He didn't know if he should feel betrayed that she lied to him or if he should be depressed that she would be marrying his best friend.

Just then, Belqua came up behind him. "Excuse me," she said. Her voice was quiet and shrill. "M'lady asks for your presence in her cabin."

James nodded and followed Belqua to the cabin entrance, where she waited outside.

Inside Lily sat perched on a stool, sitting up straight with her dress spread out around her. "Hello," she said. James nodded but didn't speak. "I'm sorry," she said, "for lying to you." James looked away from her. "You don't understand," she pleaded. "I had to."

"I know you had to in the beginning," he said, "but why didn't you tell me later, like yesterday."

"I know, I should have, but I didn't. And I'm sorry." He nodded. "Can you forgive me?" she asked.

"You're marrying my best friend," he said, solemnly. "It wouldn't matter."

"Yes it would, James," she pleaded. "James, I… you… You make me feel so complete. You make me feel like I'm special. I've never felt that way with anyone before." A tear streamed down her cheek.

She stood up and moved closer to him. He remained still. "I—I love you, James," she said, taking his hand.

"It won't work," he said retracting his hand from her grasp. "You're marrying my _best friend_," he said. "I can't." He turned to leave.

"Don't you love me?" she asked.

He stopped and turned to look at her, tears running down her face. "That's why I can't," he said simply, then stepped out of the cabin.

* * *

Lily spent the remainder of the trip in her cabin, having Belqua fetch her any necessities she needed. She cried the majority of the time. Belqua was patient with her and helped her do things she didn't have the strength to. She helped her change clothes, and helped her brush her hair. She sang her to sleep and pulled the blankets over her.

Finally a tap was outside the door. Belqua answered it. It was a man to tell them they were nearing their destination. Belqua dressed Lily in her finest black robes. She packed up all her belongings and stowed them in her luggage, which would be brought ashore later. She led her outside where Lily took in a breath of fresh air.

Lily looked out to her new home. A fog was surrounding them and it looked endless to Lily. The land looked dark and damp. Nothing like where she had come from. She looked around the boat and saw James on the other side, staring off at the sea. She felt the urge to be close to him, but shook it away.

When the boat was tied in to the dock, Lily and Belqua were helped off. She was grabbed by two men on either side of her under the armpits and lifted her off. Nothing like home, she thought, where there were platforms and bridges.

She stepped into one of two carriages pulled by horses. In her carriage were Belqua and a man by the name of Rodolphus who explained the customs of the region to them. Lily did not bother to pay attention. Her new husband would have to take her as she is, with her _own_ customs.

"What is his name?" she blurted out.

Rodolphus looked at her in disbelief. "Why, Sirius, of course."

"Oh, yes," Lily replied, "of course." A few moments later, the carriage stopped. The door was opened and Rodolphus stepped out to make the introductions. Following him was Belqua who helped Lily out of the carriage.

Lily was greeted by a small crowd of people, who clapped for her. She was led by Rodolphus, with Belqua behind her to the castle. The castle was large, and very dark. Ghouls and gargoyles were sculpted into the side. Lily got an eerie feeling from it.

Rodolphus again entered first to make the introductions to the King himself, and his court. When Lily entered, she saw James standing off to the side of a handsome boy, about her age, gleaming. She walked up to him, where he took her hand.

"M'lady," he said, kissing her hand. "It is a pleasure."

"Likewise," she said, giving a small bow. He held out his arm for her and she linked hers with his. He held out his arms to the others in the room, showing her off.

"Fellow friends and family, I give you my wife-to-be Lily _Black_."


	5. Desire

_IV. Desire - a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment_

* * *

James couldn't help but think what an unattractive name Lily Black was. It was when he considered Lily _Potter_ that he pushed the thought out of his mind. After the introductions, James returned to his chambers, where he remained for the rest of the day, until Sirius called for him. 

"James!" he exclaimed. "How was the trip? You disappeared this morning. I didn't have a chance to talk with you."

James swallowed. "I'm sorry about that. I was very tired. The trip went well. Very different place over there."

"Yeah, really. I've heard about it," Sirius said. "So how do you like Lily?" he asked.

James hesitated. "She's great," he said, simply.

"Yeah. She's really beautiful, isn't she?" he said, dreamily. "Did you get a chance to meet her, over the trip?"

"Yeah, yeah, a little bit," James said quickly.

"Come sit with us at dinner tonight," Sirius offered.

"Oh no, its all right. I'll sit with the others," James said.

"I insist, James. You will sit with us, alright?"

James nodded, then left.

Lily sat beside Sirius at dinner and James on the other side of him. Lily ate in small bites; James ate nothing. Sirius sat in the middle chatting happily to each of them, often trying to get them to converse with each other, but all their sentences would be one-word answers.

"James, you haven't touched your food!" Sirius exclaimed.

"I'm not hungry," he said simply.

"What has been wrong with you lately, James? This trip has changed you," Sirius declared. "You're not the same!"

James stole a quick glance at Lily who was staring back at him. "I'm still the same," he said, patting his friend on the back, "just a little tired, is all." He stood up, "I should be off to bed. If you will excuse me," he bowed.

"Yes, yes, of course," Sirius said. James began to leave. He could feel Lily's eyes on his back. "Something happened to him," he heard Sirius tell her. "Normally he is remotely interesting."

* * *

"Don't leave me, Belqua," Lily pleaded later that night after dinner. She was in her sleeping gown in her chamber. Sirius was in the changing room, getting ready.

"I must. It is not my place. I am just across the hall," Belqua reassured her. "You will be fine." The door opened and Sirius walked in. "Excuse me," Belqua said, and scurried out.

"You look beautiful," Sirius said to Lily.

Lily blushed. "Thank you," she said.

"Well, shall we?" Sirius asked, motioning to the bed. Lily nodded and slipped under the covers on one side. They sat side by side in silence for a couple moments, until Sirius rolled over and pressed himself on top of her. He kissed her, but she just lay motionless underneath him. His touch was cold, and Lily finally stopped him.

"I'm sorry," she said.

He looked at her confused.

"Its just…" she began. He sat back leaning on one arm. "I… I can't before I'm married," she said quickly.

Sirius smiled. "Of course," he chuckled, "please forgive me." Lily gave a small smile and nodded. She moved herself to the edge of the bed and turned away from him. He rubbed a hand on her shoulder for a few moments, then turned to the opposite side and fell asleep.

Lily could hear his deep, easy breaths, and she couldn't stop the tears rolling down her cheeks.

* * *

During the next week, the town fell into a busy motion preparing for the biggest celebration they'd ever seen. James was one of the few who was not a part of this motion. He tried to ignore talk of the wedding, but tried not to show that he didn't care. It wasn't until three days before the event that he was forced to accept it.

"James! How have you been lately? I haven't seen you at all!" Sirius exclaimed embracing his friend.

"Oh, I've been alright. Really busy, you know," James said, trying to be nonchalant.

"Right," he said. "Well, James, I've something to ask you," Sirius said, reaching into his pocket.

"Go ahead," James said.

"I want you to be my Best Man, at the wedding," he said.

James was stunned. He didn't see that coming, and he knew he should have. He didn't say anything.

"Is that a yes?" Sirius asked, laughing.

James shook himself out of his daze. "Yes, yes of course," he said. "It would be my honor. But what about Regulus?" James asked looking for an excuse.

"Are you kidding? You're my best friend. The only thing Regulus and I have in common is our mother."

"Right, right," James said.

"So you will?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Of course," James smiled.

"Thank you, James," Sirius said gratefully. "My first thing for you is to hold onto the ring."

"The _what_?" James asked, his voice cracking.

"The _ring_! You as the Best Man get to keep it until the wedding. Duh," Sirius said.

"Oh, right. Silly me, I forgot," James said trying to cover himself. "Never been a Best Man before, you know?"

Sirius chuckled. "Well, here take it. And don't lose it." He dropped the ring in his hand. "Well, I best be off. Lily is waiting for me. See you around, Best Man." Sirius pat him on the shoulder and walked away.

James remained stationary staring at the ring in the palm of his hand. It was a thin band with one diamond. It was simple, beautiful, just like her. It was somehow by seeing the ring that made the possibility of he and Lily disappear from his head. He knew now it could never be.

* * *

"I need to see him, Belqua," Lily pleaded. The day of the wedding had finally arrived and Lily was a wreck.

"_No_," Belqua said firmly. "It is time to let go of the past, Lily. You are getting married today, _not to him_, if I can remind you."

"But, I just have to see him, once more," she said. "Belqua, I can't do this without talking to him."

Belqua sighed. She hated sneaking around like this. This was not the first time she had done this for Lily. "Fine," she gave in. "But this is the _last_ time I am doing this for you."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you," Lily said kissing her hand.

Belqua left the chamber and wandered through the castle looking for James. She finally found him outside sitting alone.

"Mr. Potter, Miss Evans requests a word with you," she said sternly.

James looked up at her with sunken eyes. "No," he said, quietly.

Belqua cleared her throat. "Mr. Potter, Miss Evans requests _a word_ with you," she repeated.

"No," he said, once more, a little louder.

"Mr. Potter, please," she said.

"No," he said. "And that's my final answer." He stood up and walked away from her. Belqua felt offended.

"Excuse me," she said marching after him. "You don't understand Mr. Potter. Miss Evans needs to see you."

"I can't see her," he said. "I need to go – erm – get ready for the," he hesitated, "wedding." With that he walked away into the woods. Belqua rushed back into the castle and up to Lily's chambers.

"Well?" she asked, desperately.

"He wouldn't come with me," Belqua said.

"What? Why not? Belqua, I _need_ to see him."

"Lily, he's let it go. He's moved on. Its time now for you to do that," Belqua said, softly.

Lily's bottom lip quivered as tears rushed into her eyes. "I-I can't."

"You need to," Belqua replied. "Now sit down and let me brush your hair."

Lily sat down in front of the vanity staring at her reflection. Her face was pale and her eyes were puffy and red from crying. She sniffled and took a deep breath. Belqua was right. She _had_ to move on.

* * *

The wedding would begin at 6 o' clock. It took place outside in one of the few places in the area known for its dry conditions. The weather was perfect. The clouds had burnt off and the fog had parted. It wasn't terribly cold, either, but it still was chilly. There was a soft breeze that blew every so often.

James stood in the woods alone, thinking, something he did often nowadays. Lily had asked to see him, but he refused her. He knew he had to put the past behind him, for his sake, for her sake and for Sirius' sake.

He wasn't sure if it was his imagination, but he could feel the weight of the ring in his pocket pulling him down. Behind him he heard a brush. Someone was behind him. He knew who it was, immediately.

"Why did you come to find me?" he asked without turning around.

"I-I had to see you," she said, desperately.

"I think we should put this behind us, now," he said, still without looking at her.

"I can't do it that easily," she said.

"Well you must," he said. He could feel her move closer to him. She took hold of his hand and he turned around. She was in her wedding gown. Her red hair was pulled up. A stray strand around her face was fluttering with the wind. She looked beautiful. He felt a sickening feeling in his stomach as he realized he would not be the one to marry her.

"I love you, James," she said.

"Don't say that," he said, fiercely. "You are marrying my best friend. I can't do this to him."

"So you'd rather torture yourself?" she asked.

"I'm not torturing myself," he said.

"I see you everyday, at meals, around the castle, sulking," she said. "You're miserable and you know it."

"Well are you any different?" he asked.

"No. That's what I've come here for," she said. "To end our misery."

"And how do you suppose we do that?"

"Kiss me," she said. He looked at her, weary. A beam of light peered out from the trees and fell gracefully upon her. She looked enchanting. "Just one last time," she whispered.

He pressed his mouth against hers and they shared a slow, passionate kiss. He finally broke the kiss and looked into her green eyes. He felt he could lose himself in them. She looked so wonderful in the light. They stood still just gazing into each other's eyes.

"Don't marry him," he whispered to her.

She smiled. "You know I can't," she said. "But don't ever forget that _you_ are the one in my heart." He smiled at her and brushed a strand of hair from her face.

"I won't," he said.

In the distance they heard the church bells ring. "I have to go," she said. Stepping away.

"I know," he said, not wanting to let go of her hand, but she pulled it away. She took two steps then looked back at him. He smiled at her. And she ran back to his arms kissing him one last time.

"Go," he said, after pulling away. "You're going to be late." She smiled at him and kissed him once more, then left, for good this time.

And again he was alone; with the woman he loved walking away from him and the ring she would be bonded with weighing him down to the ground.

* * *

The wedding was beautiful, even though the clouds began to roll in again, making the area dark. As Lily walked down the aisle, she stole a quick glance at James who smiled at her; she wanted to smile back but thought it would be too obvious.

Her voice was soft when she spoke to say, "I do." And when James stepped forward to give the ring to Sirius, she bit her lip to keep from smiling. But the end was the hardest for her, to have to kiss Sirius in front of James. She knew it would be equally hard for both of them.

The kiss was simple, mediocre, nothing compared to that of James. Sirius looked ecstatic about it. She had never really looked at him until that day. He _was_ handsome and charming. She didn't think it would be that bad with him. She knew he cared for her immensely. But she just couldn't help herself by wishing James was standing there next to her.


	6. Agony

_V. Agony – extreme and generally prolonged pain; intense physical or mental suffering._

* * *

The euphoria from James and Lily's last kiss, wore off quickly on James. After watching her dance around in Sirius' arms for a whole night, he felt worse than he had hours earlier. 

They came to breakfast the next day holding hands, which disintegrated any trace of the small appetite he had had. He saw them in the marketplace, later that day, walking slowly looking at all the shops. He bought her a necklace and a bouquet of flowers.

He watched them jealously, a few yards away at a table. He had agreed to meet Remus there. He had something he wanted to talk about. Remus had even sat down, and James hadn't noticed. He was too engulfed with rage to notice.

"James? James are you in there?" he said. James shook his head and focused on his companion sitting in front of him.

"Yeah, sorry," James said. "What's up? What did you want to talk about?"

"I wanted to talk about you," Remus said, "James I'm worried about you. You've been acting so different lately."

"Wha-what do you mean?"

"You've been really quiet. You haven't been eating. You either look extremely mad or extremely sad. What's going on with you?" he asked, worried.

"Nothing's going on with me. I'm fine," James said, trying to shake off the subject.

"I don't think you are. You have to let someone help you, James."

"There's nothing to help. I'm _fine_," he insisted.

"For some reason I don't think you are," Remus said. He stopped himself, and then continued. "I just don't want you doing anything irrational or that you'll regret."

"I won't. I promise you, nothing's wrong," James said.

"All right. If you say so." Remus gave up and left.

* * *

Lily's pleading for Belqua to stay with her at nights had started to turn into a routine. The night of the wedding, Lily claimed to be too tired but she promised the next night. They had spent the day together and Lily surprisingly had a wonderful time with Sirius. But she still did not want Belqua to leave her for the night.

"Please," she said as Belqua slipped Lily's gown over her head.

"No," Belqua had become accustomed to say.

"Then just say I'm very ill," Lily reasoned.

"I'm sorry Lily, but you are going to have to get over this eventually," Belqua said.

She knew Belqua was right. But Lily was afraid, making love to another men would completely erase her and James' connection. She had noticed him today, sulking in the shadows, watching them with jealousy in his eyes.

Sirius entered the room and Belqua shuffled out. Lilly moved to the bed. "I had a nice time today," she said.

"I did too," Sirius agreed. "You make wonderful company." He climbed in the bed next to her. Lily felt her heart beating in her chest. He rolled over like he had the first night and pressed himself upon her. This time she didn't stop him. She couldn't think of an excuse or a reason to push him away. She knew this day would have to come eventually. He kissed her fiercely. She knew he had been waiting for this day.

* * *

For the next week and a half, James was traumatized by the sight of Lily and Sirius. He avoided them as much as possible, spending a lot of time on his own. His solitude didn't go unnoticed. Remus had expressed worry before, but now Sirius began to have his own concerns.

James was in the marketplace leaning against a tree when he spotted Sirius and Lily walking along, looking at him. He knew they were talking about him, probably worried. He knew they would call him over to interrogate him and he didn't know if he could deal with that. He was just about to make his way to leave when Sirius waved him over.

"James!" he called out to him. "James! James, come here!" James gave a weak smile and shook his head. "Yes!" Sirius insisted waving his arm. James gave in and reluctantly walked over.

"Hello Sirius," he said nodding. "Hello Lily."

"James," Sirius began, "Lily and I have been worried about you." James noticed their fingers intertwined, toying together.

"Oh no," he said looking at his feet. "I'm fine. Really."

"Perhaps, I could talk with him alone," Lily suggested into Sirius' ear.

Sirius nodded, considering it. "Yes," he said. "Perhaps you two _should_ talk. I'll be over here," he said giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before walking away.

"Shall we walk?" Lily asked, once they were alone. James nodded and they began to meander down the main drag. "So, how have you been?" she asked.

"How do you think?" he said quietly.

"I feel the same way," she said.

"No you don't," he said immediately. "You have no idea how I feel. I see you sitting there with him _everyday_, smiling and laughing. And it just traumatizes me. It makes me feel _horrible_."

"Well, what do you want me to do?" she asked. "He is my _husband_. My _husband_. What do you expect? Do you expect me to lock myself in my room, isolating myself from _everyone_?"

James shook his head. "You don't understand," he said.

"No, James," she said. "_You_ don't understand. If you want me to ruin my life and ruin yours at the same time by telling my husband I am in love with his best friend, just say the word and I'll do it. Is that what you want to happen?" He stayed silent. "Is it? Look at me, for God's sake."

His eyes snapped to her. "How do you expect _me_ to feel Lily? I see my best friend groping and kissing the woman I love, _everywhere I go_. Any place I am at, you two are there. In the castle, at meals, in the marketplace. What am _I_ supposed to do?"

"I don't know James," she said throwing her hands up. "I don't know what you're supposed to do. But _I've_ figured out what _I_ have to do, so don't get all mad when I've figured out a solution and you haven't." With that, she stormed away. She watched her stalk back over to Sirius.

"What was that about?" James could hear him say. Lily just shook her head and Sirius put his arm around her and pulled her close. He glanced over at James and gave him a questioning look. James just shrugged it away and walked into the opposite direction.

* * *

"I'm still worried about him," Sirius said to Lily over dinner about James who didn't show up. "I really am. What did you two talk about? It looked like a heated conversation."

"Oh, it was nothing," Lily said pushing the subject away. "I didn't really get anything out of him."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "Nobody can." They ate in a few moments of silence. "Perhaps we should find him a girl," he suggested.

Lily dropped her fork. "Oops," she said. "Sorry about that." Sirius smiled at her. "What were you saying? A girl?"

"Yeah, you know," Sirius said, "we can help him discover love. I think it could really help him."

"Well, maybe," Lily said. "But he'll probably just push everyone away."

"I don't know. You don't know him like I do," Sirius said.

"You have no idea," Lily mumbled.

"What was that?" Sirius asked, innocently.

"Oh, nothing," she said, smiling at him. "I said this beef is chewy."

"No you didn't," Sirius said, eyeing her. She felt her heart begin to race.

"What?" she asked, breathlessly.

"You said, 'What about Andromeda?'" Sirius smiled. Lily sighed.

"Oh," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "Well, you know, maybe."

"I like that idea," he said, staring off into the distance. "I'll run it by Remus first, though. He knows everything."

* * *

"Sirius wants to set you up with Andromeda," Remus told James the next day.

James raised his eyebrows. "Why?" he asked simply.

"Why? He's worried about you. We all are." James just shook his head. "Well anyway," Remus continued. "She's going to meet you in ten minutes by the clock tower."

"What?" James said. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Well I knew you'd refuse or say you had to get ready and never come back. So go hurry. Don't be late," he warned and walked away.

James was stunned. He hadn't been out with a girl in ages, if felt like. He tried to smooth out his clothes and his messy black hair. Granted, Andromeda was pretty, but James had never really gotten to know her. He tapped his leg impatiently as he stood by the clock tower, waiting.

"Hello, James," he heard from behind him. He turned around to find Andromeda.

"Hi," he said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Its lovely to see you," she said, smiling.

"Likewise," he said. "Should we walk?" he asked, offering out his arm.

"Sure," she said looping her arm around his.

"You look very beautiful," he told her. She blushed. _Okay,_ he thought, _this isn't so bad. I can do this._

"Thank you," she said.

"What have you been up to lately?" he asked her.

"Me? Oh not much, actually. Bellatrix and I have been trying to set up Narcissa with Lucius," she said.

"Lucius? That would be a smart match," James commented.

"Yeah," she said. "Its one of our better decisions."

They spent the rest of the afternoon getting to know each other. James tried not to think of Lily, but that proved to be a difficult task. She would creep into his mind unexpectedly, and just when he was sharing a great laugh with Andromeda, she would steal it away leaving him in a quiet mood.

At the end of the night, James walked Andromeda to her place. "I had a wonderful time tonight," she said in front of the steps to her door.

"I did too," James agreed. "Will I see you again?"

"Yes," she said smiling, "I'd like that. How about tomorrow at seven? Dinner?" she suggested.

"Ok. That sounds good," he said. They stood quietly together. She was waiting but James didn't know if he should… or if he even could.

"Well, I should get going," she said. "Its late." She turned to go. _Just do it,_ James told himself.

"Wait," he said grabbing her elbow. She spun towards him and he put his lips on hers. After a few seconds she pulled away and looked at him smiling.

"Good night, James Potter." She walked away.

"Good night," he said, with butterflies in his stomach. "Good night!"

* * *

James joined Sirius and Lily for breakfast the next morning. "Good morning James!" Sirius exclaimed. "You are looking refreshed today."

"Thanks, I guess," James said, picking up his fork.

Sirius elbowed Lily and signaled over at James eating. Lily raised her eyebrows and nodded. "So, James," Sirius began, "What's this I hear of you going on a date?" Lily's fork clattered to her plate. James and Sirius turned to look at her.

"I keep doing that," she laughed, nervously. "I don't know why."

"Yes, I did," James replied, avoiding Lily's eye.

"With who, might I ask?" Lily butted in.

James cleared his throat. "With Andromeda," he said.

"Oh," she said, looking down at her plate. "Andromeda," she repeated.

"It was my idea," Sirius muttered excitedly in Lily's ear.

"It was, was it?" she asked, still in shock. "And how did it go?" she asked James.

"It went really well," James said. Lily was stunned by the genuine smile that played on his lips. "I'm seeing her again tonight."

"Tonight?" Lily repeated.

"Yes," he said. "Is there a problem with that?"

"No, no problem," she said. "Its just, isn't that a little _soon_?"

"Its more than I can say for you two," James said.

Sirius chuckled. "Good one James." Lily rolled her eyes.

"Anyway," James said. "I should be going." He put one last bite of food into his mouth and stood up from the table. "Remus is going to help me buy some nice clothes for tonight. See you two later." He walked away.

"Well he sure is in a good mood," Sirius said, surprised.

"Yeah, a great _mood_," Lily said angrily, throwing her napkin in her plate and standing up abruptly from the table. She walked away.

"What'd I do?" Sirius asked confused, looking around. But he didn't see Lily heading in the same direction as James was.

* * *

_A/N:_ I added chapter titles to everything because I think it'll make it a little more interesting. Please review! 


	7. Betrayal

_VI. Betrayal – the act of being unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling_

* * *

"What is the big deal?" James asked. "I'm just doing what you did." They were in an abandoned room. 

"No you're not. I was forced into this. You're doing this by choice," she said. "There's a big difference."

"I'm just moving on! You moved on, can't I?" he asked, angrily.

"But you're not moving on. She's just a rebound," Lily said.

"A rebound? A rebound? No, she's not a _rebound_, for your information."

"Oh yeah? Well, do you still love me?" Lily asked.

"That's—that's beside the point," James said.

"Answer. Answer my question."

"No," he said. "I don't have to."

"That's because you _do_ still love me," she said, triumphantly.

"I'm trying to stop, Lily. Is that what you want?" He began to get angry.

"No," she said, quietly putting a hand to her forehead.

"Then what do you want?" he asked.

"I want you," she said, looking at him longingly.

He looked down. "That's not possible."

"It could be," she said, stepping closer to him.

"No," he said firmly. "Lily, don't do this."

She looked away from him with tears in her eyes. He put a finger under her chin and pointed her face towards him.

"I love you, Lily," he said and leaned in to kiss her. He pulled away before it got too deep. "Don't forget that."

* * *

The relationship between James and Andromeda blossomed furiously. James decided he would move on and forget his feelings for Lily. He immersed himself in Andromeda, becoming infatuated with every thing about her. Her hair, her nose, her thoughts, her feelings, her dreams. And she, in her blissful naivety, returned the favor wanting know everything she could to become more devoted to her new lover. 

"What are your hopes and dreams, James?" she asked one evening, as they lay together watching the sky change colors as the sun set behind the fog.

"To start a family, I guess," James admitted. "What are yours?"

She stayed quiet for some time, pondering her response. "I'd like to find someone special. Someone who could return the devotion I give to them."

James felt a hole burning in his heart. "Do I not do that for you?" he asked, slowly.

She turned to look at him, her eyes full of tears, and shook her head. He became cold and his arms tensed around her and she sat up. "You're always somewhere else," she said. "You're never here, with me."

"What do you mean? I'm here with you right now!" he said, defensively.

"That's not what I mean," she said shaking her head. "I see it in your eyes, James, every time I look at you."

"See what? What are you talking about?"

"I see someone else. Your heart belongs to someone else." He didn't respond. She continued. "It feels as though you could never return the love I give to you. I don't feel anything back."

"But I love you," he said, the words flying out of him before he even realized it. "I do, Andromeda. I want to be with you. I really do."

She smiled and looked him in the eye. "Then prove it," she said simply.

"I will!" he exclaimed. "Tell me what to do and I will."

"That's the thing, James. I shouldn't have to tell you." She turned away from him, the tears now rolling down her face.

"Marry me," he said finally. She looked at him, sorrow in her eyes.

"That's not what I meant," she said. He moved closer to her.

"I'm serious," he said. "I want to be with you. You want to be with me, right?" She didn't respond. "Right?" he demanded.

"I-I don't know, James," she said, avoiding his gaze. "I just don't know."

"I'll do anything, Andromeda," he begged. "Please don't leave me." It came out as a whisper and James found himself on his knees in front of her. He needed her as much as he needed Lily.

She looked at him now, staring deep into his eyes. "Run away with me," she replied in a whisper. "Lets go somewhere, just you and me, far away from here."

He shook his head. "I can't." His eyes were filled with tears now. "Please understand, Andromeda. I can't." Andromeda turned away from him, as to not show him the tears running down her face. "I can't do that to…" he hesitated.

"To who?" she asked now looking at him. "Who can't you leave?"

"…Sirius," he finally said. She looked at him and he could see all the hurt and pain he had caused her. It broke him into two. His heart was bonded to Lily, he held an undying love for her that he knew would never stop. But he knew he had to let go and move on. Andromeda was perfect for him in so many ways and he knew it but he just couldn't let Lily out of his life, and neither could he let Andromeda.

* * *

James and Andromeda were married a year later. Lily found herself sitting in the audience with an empty feeling. This marriage, to her, felt like the stopper in a bottle filled with their love. James found himself at the altar in a similar position. Yet he, nevertheless, found himself reaching for the wedding band from his best friend. But James didn't feel anything like he did the day of Sirius' wedding. He felt sorrow and disgust at this sacred ceremony of holy matrimony. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to be standing there with _Lily_. His mind drifted to the days when they first met. The days when they were carefree and helplessly in love. He'd give anything to go back to those days. 

He was snapped back to reality when he heard the familiar phrase of, "You may now kiss the bride." He shook his head lightly and smiled at Andromeda who was leaning towards him. He kissed her and she began to laugh. He smiled and heard clapping around them. He grabbed her hand and held it up. They were now married, and he shouldn't forget that by falling into Lily's trap.

* * *

Lily couldn't sleep that night. Sirius was fast asleep, like he was every night. She got up and put on a robe and walked down to the main hall. She made her way down the staircase and she let herself outside. The air was cold, like it always was. She had been cold everyday since coming here. She longed to be warm again. She looked around and saw the decorations from the reception had not yet been cleaned up. She walked down into the garden where it had been held. She sat down at a table and played with the edge of a tablecloth. 

"What are you doing here?" someone said. She turned to look where the voice had come from. From out of the shadows stepped James.

"I-I couldn't sleep," she stammered.

"Yeah," he agreed, "me neither."

"Congratulations," Lily said. James took a seat across from her.

"Thanks," he said.

"It was a nice wedding," Lily said.

"It was, wasn't it?" he concurred. Lily smiled.

"Are you happy?" she asked.

"Yes," he admitted. "I am. Andromeda is wonderful."

"Oh," Lily said, feeling the slightest bit hurt. "That's great." James nodded. Lily saw his hand resting on the table. She put hers on top of his. "I'm really happy you found someone," she said. "I really am. Love is a wonderful thing, that everyone should be able to enjoy."

"I think love is overrated," James said playfully.

"Are we having this discussion _again_?" she smiled.

"Do you want to?" he asked. She knew he didn't mean the discussion. She stood up to move next to him. She sat close to him and she could smell the faint scent of alcohol on his breath.

"Yes," she said quietly, looking from his eyes to his lips. They leaned in slowly towards each other but then she stopped.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I won't if you don't want to."

"No," she said taking a deep breath. "I want to." She finished and kissed him. It was everything she dreamt it would be. It was everything she imagined. She had been dreaming of this kiss forever. It was a kiss without any worries. It was a kiss without any attachments. It was a kiss merely between two lovers embracing the moment given to them.

The heat began to intensify between them. Months of built up desire finally broke through. Lily didn't remember the last time being like this, but that was so long ago. James picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him. He laid her gently on a table and undid the buttons of his shirt. Lily pulled the rest off for him running her hands across his back. He was warm to her touch. He slid his hands underneath her gown and rested them on her hips. She moaned with pleasure as he moved one hand up her stomach to her breast.

"James," she called out into the darkness. She forcefully pulled off her robe, as she began to grow warm from the heat. He then slid the gown over her head, leaving her bare in the night.

"You look so beautiful," he murmured into her ear, while he kissed her neck. She undid his trousers and they fell to the floor. In moments they had moved onto the soft grass. They continued to kiss and he began to move his mouth lower. She put her hands and ran them through his hair, moaning slightly.

"James," she panted. He moved his lips back to hers and positioned himself on top of her and entered in her. She came to him gracefully. They went slow and passionately savoring every moment. After she climaxed, he lay down beside her, exhausted. They lay with each other, naked a few moments longer. She held him to her chest running her hands in his hair.

"It's getting early," she said quietly, in his ear. He nodded and began to sit up. She released him and he went searching for his clothing and hers.

Once each was dressed they stood together, gazing into each other's eyes. "Can I see you again?" he asked.

She smiled and looked at him. She nodded.

"Where?" he asked. "When?"

"Are we really going to do this, James?" she asked.

He swallowed and glanced around. "I don't think I'll be able to survive now, without you," he admitted losing himself in her green eyes.

She looked down. "We'll find a place," she said. They saw a light in a distant window of the castle turn on. "I must go," she said. "Goodbye, James." She let go of his hands and scurried away into the darkness.

Before returning to her room, she stopped by the kitchens to pick up a glass of water, just in case Sirius asked. On her way up, she smiled to herself. It was the happiest she had felt in a long time, and she didn't want to hide it. She wanted to run around screaming it at the top of her lungs. "James Potter loves me!" she envisioned herself saying. As she opened the door and saw Sirius lying peacefully in their bed, she snapped back into reality. She set her glass down and walked to the window to watch the sun rise.

"Mmm…" Sirius mumbled. "Where did you go?" he asked, sleepily, his eyes still closed on the bed.

"I went to get a cup of water," she lied.

"We always have a fresh pitcher here in the room. Did they forget to refill it again?" Lily's eyes snapped to the corner of the room, where a pitcher of water next to two glasses stood upon a small table.

"Oh, well, I couldn't sleep either, so I decided to go for a walk," she said.

"Everything all right?" he asked.

"Fine. Why wouldn't it be?" she said immediately.

"I dunno," he mumbled. "You sound a little distraught."

She sighed. "I'm fine," she repeated.

"Come back to bed," he grumbled. She walked to the bed and slipped under the covers beside him. He put an arm around her. Lily watched him as he lay peacefully with his eyes closed. He had no idea what had just happened. He had absolutely no idea of what she had just done.

* * *

_A/N_: Hope you liked it! And please review! By the way, the next chapter is a little… intense. Just wanted to warn ya! 


	8. Resentment

_VII. Resentment – the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark or person_

* * *

Secrets can never be kept secret for long. Eventually the truth will shine through. Lily and James chose to ignore these principles of life. Every moment they spent together was another moment filled with betrayal and guilt. Yet at the same time it was passionate and desirable. They held their secret meetings in the wee hours of the morning and in random moments when they were both free of their partners' grasp. They met in broom closets, in forests, in bathrooms. It was all joyous fun, for the both of them. Neither had experienced "sneaking around" quite like this before. But after a while it began to take its toll.

James saw the excitement die from her eyes. He noticed they had gradually become dimmer every time he saw her. Lily noticed his hair, which once stood on end, was now flat, with no life in it at all.

"Why is the water blue?" she asked one day, as she stare out to sea.

"I don't know," he answered. "Maybe it's a reflection from the sky."

"The sky here is always gray," she said.

"The water is not _that_ blue," he said. She turned to look at him. It was conversations like these that she had once loved. But now they had lost all meaning. Her question was just a mindless, ditzy question to him now.

* * *

Their love affair had not been unnoticed. More than once, Sirius found himself alone, with neither his wife nor his best friend by his side. He wondered where possibly each of them was. Some nights he would wake up alone. Or he would see her returning to bed in the early morning.

Andromeda had noticed these disappearances as well. But whenever she spoke of them, James shut the conversation down, forbidding it to come up again. Everyday James would return to her in a more and more irritable mood. More and more would he come home looking solemner and solemner.

James' frequent snaps at Peter Pettigrew also had him worried. He wondered what was happening to his friend to cause him such misery that he couldn't speak of. But Peter was unlike Sirius and Andromeda in that he decided to find the root of these devils.

One morning, at breakfast, James was nowhere to be found. Peter glanced at the head table, where Sirius was eating alone. Peter decided he would ask where Lily had gone. Maybe she knew where James was.

"Good morning, Padfoot," Peter greeted his friend.

"Moony!" he said back. "Great to see you! How've you been?"

"Oh, I'm all right," Peter replied. "Where's Lily gone to?"

"You know, I really don't know. She does that sometimes, just disappears," Sirius said. "She's probably with Belqua."

Peter glanced around. Belqua was in the corner standing patiently alone. Peter decided not to tell Sirius. "Well, friend," Peter began, "it was great talking to. But I have some business to attend to."

"Right, right, Peter. I know you're a busy man," Sirius said. "See you later," he exclaimed as Peter walked off into Belqua's direction.

"You're looking awfully lonely there, Miss," he said to her. Her eyes widened. "Where has Mrs. Black gone to?" he asked of Lily. Belqua swallowed uncomfortably.

"She's – er – she's in the library," Belqua said quickly.

"Really?" Peter asked. "Then, I think I might join her," he suggested.

"Oh, no, no," Belqua interjected. "She's not to be disturbed. She likes to read in peace."

"Very well, then," Peter said. "You know best. Pleasure talking to you." He bade her a farewell and made his way back to his breakfast. But he wasn't giving up that easy. He watched Belqua as she quickly scurried away. Peter followed her, walking briskly. She was awful suspicious.

Peter gave her a comfortable lead, not wanting to attract attention to himself. He followed her outside as she rushed into the woods twisting around trees.

"Lily," she hissed, walking slowly. "Lily! Where are you?" Peter watched her from behind a thick elm. "Lily!" She continued hissing her name for a couple minutes longer, with Peter jumping from one tree to the next.

"Belqua?" a voice called out. "What're you doing?"

"Lily," she said, exasperated. "We must return to the castle immediately. People are looking for you!"

"Who's looking for me?" Lily asked. Peter could see Lily now.

"Mr. Pettigrew!" Belqua squeaked.

"Peter?" came a voice, who Peter did not recognize for a few moments. Then he saw James appear behind Lily.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Belqua said. "We must go now!" She grabbed Lily's hand to drag her away.

"Wait!" Lily said, retracting back her hand. She turned to James. "Sorry, but we'll have to continue this another time," she said. James nodded, but didn't speak. "How about tonight?" she asked.

"Sure," he said.

"Goodbye," she said, leaning in close to him, but he did nothing and she turned away back to the castle with Belqua.

Peter waited for James to leave, a few moments after them, before returning to the castle. Once there, he went to find Remus.

"Wormtail! What have you come to see me for?" Remus asked, smiling at his friend.

"I have to talk to you about something," Peter said seriously. They were at his cottage on the outskirts of town.

"Alright, alright, come in," he said and opened his door to let him in. Peter told him everything. "But what were they doing?" Remus asked, confused.

"I don't know," Peter said. "They're meeting tonight though."

"Do you think this has something to do with Prongs' unhappiness lately?" Remus asked.

"I think so," said Peter slowly. "I think we should find out."

"I don't know, Wormtail," he said. "I just don't feel right about doing that."

"If we know what it is we can help him," Peter emphasized.

Remus took off his spectacles and rubbed his eyes. "Maybe you're right, but how?"

"I was thinking about that," Peter said. "I'll wait by Lily and Sirius' room and you wait by James' and we'll follow them."

"I don't know," Remus repeated. "I just don't think its right."

"C'mon, Moony," Peter encouraged. "Its for Prongs' sake."

"What time were they going to meet?" Remus asked.

"I don't know but I bet late, or early, after everyone's asleep. You should be there at ten maybe?" Peter said.

"Maybe we shouldn't?" Remus said unsurely.

"We have to. Make sure you're there at ten sharp. Okay, Moony?"

"Alright," Remus agreed. "Ten. I'll be there."

* * *

When the clock had struck one, Lily slipped out of bed and pulled her robe over her nightgown. Sirius was, once again, a log, as his snores loftily filled the room. She slipped out into the main hall stepping quietly toward the garden behind the kitchen. She thought she heard the swish of robes behind her, but when she turned to look there was nobody there.

He was already waiting for her when she got there, like always. He was sitting on a bench with his head in his hands. He looked up at her when she arrived. She moved toward him, swaying in the moonlight. She bent down, leveling her face to his. She pressed her lips on his as they diverged into a passionate kiss. She felt something wet on the tip of her cheek and when she opened her eyes she saw he was crying.

It was a strange sight, seeing James Potter cry. She knew this whole thing was tearing him apart, slowly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to her. She bit her lip and shook her head.

"That's all right," she said, caringly, as she wrapped his head in her arms and pulled it to her chest, caressing his hair. He rested it there, closing his eyes. "I understand," she said softly. He shook his head and pulled away from her.

"No," he said. "No, you don't understand. You don't know how hard it is for me to have to split myself. You don't know what its like to not be able to give your whole self to the woman your married to. And you don't know what its like to not be able to receive back that from the woman you love."

His words stung her like needles. "James," she began.

"No. We have to stop," he said. "I just don't know how much longer I can do this."

"James, I am going through exactly the same thing you are. I know how you feel. I feel that same thing, not being able to give yourself to the person you will be with for the rest of your life. But you don't understand, you have all of me."

He looked at her and she looked back at him. "Its hard for me—"

"No, its not, James. Don't you see? You just can't deal with it. Stop being so dramatic. I've been doing fine," she said.

"_Dramatic_?" he said, beginning to get angry. "You think I'm being _dramatic_?"

"Yes. Yes I do. I love someone other than my husband, just like you. I feel the pain and guilt everyday that I wake up next to him, and every time he kisses me and every time he tells me he loves me. I know what it feels like to not be able to say it back truthfully to someone who would give the whole world to me if I asked for it. Except I have one more piece of guilt to deal with that you don't. And it's the fact that I am in love with his _best_ _friend_."

"But that's also the one thing I have that you don't. I _am_ his best friend. He trusts me. He thinks I'd never hurt him, and I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt you. I just don't want to hurt anyone!"

They sat in silence for a few moments, letting the darkness overcome them. "Maybe we should just stop," she said slowly. He looked up at her. "James, I really think we should."

He didn't respond. Then after a moment he said, "Maybe we should."

Just then there was a bustle in the bushes. They both turned to where the noise came from. Lily stood close to James, feeling her pulse quicken.

"Who's there?" James called. There was no response, at which he pulled at his wand and shouted, "_Revealo_." Peter and Remus stumbled out of the bushes, falling onto their stomachs. Lily gave a small yelp and James stood blankly, staring at his two friends.

"P-Prongs," Peter began, dusting himself off as he stood up. "How great to—"

"Cut the crap," James said. "What the hell were you two doing?" They didn't answer. "Were you _spying_ on me?" he asked angrily.

"James we were just…" Remus began and trailed off. "I mean… we just wanted to see what was bugging you so much. We care about you."

"Care about me? Then why didn't you trust that I could handle things myself?"

"James, you couldn't handle it yourself. That's why we followed you tonight. We wanted to help you, because we knew you couldn't help yourself," Remus protested.

"You wanted to help me?" James repeated. "Why didn't you help me by staying out of my _business_? You didn't have to go snooping through my life."

"We only did it to—" Remus began.

"I don't care!" James shouted. "Now you know my secret. Now you know what's wrong with me. What are you going to do about it?"

Lily had stayed silent, but she saw James' rage building. "James," she said. "Just stop."

"No. I'm not going to listen to _you_," he said angrily. "None of you guys understand me so none of you will be able to help me. Why did you even want to try?"

"James, please," Lily protested, moving closer to him.

"No," he said fiercely, moving away. "Our secrets out, Lily. And who knows if these bastards can keep their nosy mouths shut. So, its time to make a decision."

"James, please don't," she said, scared.

"No, I'm serious, Lily. This is it. It's time for you to choose. Me or him? Make your choice."

"James, you're married," she said.

"Oh, I'll leave her if you agree to be with me," he said.

"Please, don't do this to me," she begged. "Please don't."

"No," he said. "We're going to have to live up to the consequences eventually, and now the cat's out of the bag. Let's just decide, now. Shall we?"

"Don't do this to me," she repeated shaking her head and backing away from him.

"No. Let's do it now. Make your choice, Lily." He was coming toward her and she saw a gleam of anger and resentment in his eye.

"James, this isn't you. Please stop."

"You don't know me," he said, shaking his head. "You don't know anything about me."

"No," she said, tears spilling from her eyes. "Stop!" she screamed at him. "Stop, please!" He was close to her now. He was panting and she could feel his breath on her face. "James, I love you. Please, stop. This."

"You don't love me," he spat. "You never have."

"Don't say that," she whined. "Please don't say that. You know I have." He glared at her and raised a hand—

In a second he was on the ground, unconscious. Remus had his him in the head with an empty bottle.

"Sorry, Lily," he said, apologetically. "You should go back to your room. We'll talk to you in the morning."

Lily swallowed, still in shock. She nodded and she felt her legs move back toward her room. She wasn't in her body now. She was watching as Remus and Peter carried James to Peter's cottage nearby. But then she felt herself crawl into bed, trembling with fear.

"Lils?" Sirius murmured. "What's wrong?" Her teeth were chattering and she was shaking all over. "You're ice cold!" he exclaimed and he moved closer to her and wrapped his hands around her. "Bad dream?" he asked, soothingly. She gave a small whimper. "Shh…" he crooned, as he stroke her hair until she fell sound asleep in his arms.

* * *

A/N: Intense chapter, huh? I hope I didn't jump the shark with this one. Please review. 


	9. Escape

_VIII. Escape - to slip or get away, as from confinement or restraint_

* * *

James awoke the next morning with a raging headache. He opened his eyes and realized he was not in his house. He looked next to him and realized Andromeda was not there, like she normally was. He sat up and looked around. 

"Moony! He's awake!" It was Peter.

"What am I doing here?" James asked, rubbing his forehead. "I feel terrible."

Remus was at his side. "Drink this," he said, shoving a glass under his nose. James obeyed gulping down a mixture, which burned his throat.

"Ugh," he exclaimed, shaking his head. "What happened?" Peter and Remus were silent. "What happened?" James repeated, searching their faces for answers. They looked gravely at him.

"Y-you don't remember?" Peter stammered.

James thought for a moment. "I remember drinking a lot of whiskey," he said slowly. "Why? Did something else happen?"

They again were silent. "That's all you remember?"

James nodded slowly, and then in a flash it all hit him. Lily kissing him… them arguing about Sirius… "Maybe we should just stop"… Remus and Peter were there… Spying on him… Lily wouldn't choose… Lily crying… and then darkness.

"What have I done?" he muttered aloud, falling back on the bed.

"Its ok, James," Remus said finally. "We're here to help you. We're your friends." James looked up at them and they looked back sincerely.

"What do I do now?" he asked.

"Well, I was thinking, the number one priority is don't tell Sirius," Remus said. "If he found out…" he trailed off. James knew the rest of his sentence. If Sirius found out he would die. His best friend and his wife betrayed him.

"Yes," agreed Peter. "Don't mention it to Sirius."

"Then, I was thinking, James, you need to get away. Take Andromeda and go on holiday. You need sometime to clear your head."

James nodded, thinking of where he could go. "Do I have to go now?" James asked.

"The sooner the better," Remus admitted. James nodded, realizing exactly where he wanted to go.

"Were you all right, last night, dear?" Sirius asked Lily the next morning at breakfast.

* * *

"Fine," she said smiling at him, trying to be cheerful. "Why?"

"I woke up in the middle of the night, and you were cold as ice and shaking furiously," he said.

"Oh, it was just a nightmare, I think," she said as she pushed food around her plate with her fork. "Nothing to be worried about."

"Alright. If you say so," he agreed focusing back on his plate. He looked up and saw James. "James!" he called. "Come sit with us and have some breakfast!"

"No, no," he said, shaking his head. "I don't want to impose."

"No," Sirius said, "Its no trouble at all, is it dear?" he asked Lily. She shook her head, not moving her gaze from her plate. She felt shivers run through her body as he sat down.

"So, how have you been, James? We haven't talked in a while," Sirius began.

"I've been ok," James began. "I think tale a holiday." At this they both looked at him.

"Holiday?" Sirius said surprised. "Really? Where to?" he asked.

"Not sure, yet," he admitted.

"Andromeda would go with you of course, right?" Sirius asked.

"Well, I actually haven't talked to her about it yet, but she's always wanted to get away."

Sirius chuckled. "Of course," he said.

"Well, anyway," James said standing up, "I really should be finding her, right about now. Thank you for breakfast. Sirius. Lily." He bowed to them and left the table.

"Bye, James," Sirius called after him. "You all right, darling?" he asked her. "You've been awfully quiet."

"I'm fine," she said, smiling brightly back at him. But he had no idea.

James made his way to the house he and Andromeda shared. When he walked in she ran to him and threw her arms around him.

"James!" she cried. "Where have you been? I thought something might have happened to you!"

He couldn't think of an excuse to give her so he decided to change the subject. "Andromeda," he said, "let's go on a holiday. A long holiday."

She looked at him, confused. "But, why?" she asked.

"I'm just so sick of this place. I mean, aren't you? It's always gloomy and cold. Let's go someplace warm," he said, taking her hands.

She smiled at him. "Alright," she agreed, slightly confused. "How come you didn't want to go the first time I mentioned it?"

"I-I was younger then. I didn't want to leave my home. I was afraid it'd be to… What does it matter? I'm ready now."

"Ok, so you'll start packing everything up? I need to go tell my sisters."

James nodded and she bustled out of the house. He sat down on the sofa and ran a hand threw his hair. What was he doing? What had he done? Was this the right thing to do? He felt so confused and he hoped he didn't hurt Lily. She had been cold to him at breakfast. He knew he couldn't talk to her. He knew he shouldn't say goodbye. And so nevertheless, he began to pack up their things.

* * *

"Well, mate, it looks like this is goodbye," Sirius said a few days later as James and Andromeda waited for the ship to be loaded with their belongings.

James nodded as he embraced his friend. Peter and Remus were there as well as Lily by Sirius' side. She had not made eye contact with him. She felt if she did she'd breakdown and start crying or she'd slap James. She gave Andromeda a peck on the cheek and then Andromeda moved to Sirius as James moved to her.

"Goodbye," he said awkwardly giving a small bow.

"Goodbye," she said nodding her head still avoiding his eye. He turned away from her back to his wife.

"When will you two return?" Remus asked.

They looked at each other. "We don't know!" Andromeda laughed.

"Well you two have fun," Sirius said putting his arm around Lily. "Don't forget to write!"

"We won't," Andromeda laughed as they boarded the ship. Lily watched them. James took her hand to lead her. For a moment she could see herself taking his hand to board a ship that would take them far away to be with only each other. Lily felt sadness, right then. She wanted to leave with him. She wanted to be with him.

But if she really did now was the time to speak before he left and she never saw him again. She looked up at him as the sailors untied the rope that kept them from floating away. He stood there next to his wife sailing away out into the sea. The wind ruffled his untidy hair and Lily felt the urge to run her hands through it. She didn't want him to leave. She loved him. She wanted him to stay with her. But she knew that was not possible.

Sirius took her hand to lead her away but she remained standing there watching the boat float off into the horizon. He met her gaze about three meters in and she kept it until she could hardly see the boat anymore.

"Ready?" Sirius mumbled in her ear. She nodded as her eyes brimmed with tears. He was now across the sea and she would never see him again. She had lost her one and only true love.

* * *

James and Andromeda were able to settle in easily in their new home, Oloro. The peace between the two nations made living there extremely easy. James found a job in a printing shop and although it was not as easy as simply being the best friend of a king, he was doing well. He hoped that the distance from his home would help him clear his head and he could return to being his old self. But he couldn't feel happy in this new place.

He missed his home. He didn't like the warm weather of this new place. It was just too hot for him. He missed the damp, cool feeling he got when he stepped outside. He missed seeing the looming trees and the rocky shores of the beaches. Here the rocks were ground to sand and the sun shone everywhere giving hardly any shade.

He kept in touch mostly with Remus, but occasionally he would write Sirius. It sounded to James like everything there was going perfect. Now Sirius could probably get all of Lily's attention easily, with James out of the way. He longed for more than a sentence of how she was doing. But all he ever got from Sirius was "Lily's doing well," and Remus hardly saw either of them.

"Are you liking it here, James?" Andromeda asked one evening.

"Its different," he replied.

She nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean. But are you happy here?"

He was confused by her sudden inquisition of how he felt here. "I guess. I just miss home is all. How are you?"

"I think I like it here. I like the warmth. Much different than home but its kind of nice."

"Yeah," James agreed mindlessly.

He thought of Lily often. He wondered what it was like for her to grow up here in this place. He wondered what she was like as a child and he wondered about her parents. He thought of when he first met her. It was here, in the same place he is now. Sometimes he'd travel to her little cave on the shore and he'd sit there thinking of her and how much he missed her.

* * *

Lily was also distraught without James near her. She was bored of Sirius whose jokes were always the same. She had nothing to do during the day, while he was busy. Mostly she went to the library to try and find a book she was remotely interested in, but the case that she found one never happened that often.

She stared out at the sea from the balcony in her room a lot. She'd watch the waves crash on the rocks and occasionally she would spot a seal or a fish. She wondered if maybe James was looking out at the same sea she was and maybe he was thinking of her. She didn't know. He had left her confused in her feelings. She loved him, she really did. But he had a wife and she had a husband. It was not that simple. She didn't know what he expected her to have done.

She met his parents one night at a gathering for Sirius' birthday. They were very polite and friendly. Lily liked them. She could see where he got his personality. Meeting Mr. and Mrs. Potter just made her miss him all that much more. She'd imagine that somewhere in another life they would be together. Maybe not now, but they would be eventually, she knew it.


	10. Separation

_IX. Separation – the act of being kept apart or divided_

* * *

Life continued on for each of the couples. James trained his mind not to think of Lily. And Lily did her best not to think of James. They each tried to be happy in their respectful lives. But after so much time, things seemed hopeless. 

James had settled into a routine in his new home. Although it was miserable for him he couldn't help but smile at Andromeda's happiness.

"So you really do like it here?" he inquired of her, one night.

"Oh, yes! Very much!" she said shortly.

"Well, I'm glad. What do you do during the day while I'm at work?" he asked.

She hesitated. "Er – I," she stuttered. "I just do housework and go into town sometimes." He couldn't help but feel she was hiding something from him.

"Oh," James replied.

"Do you like it here?" she asked him.

"Oh, well, you know, I miss home," he said.

This was how the majority of their time was spent: speaking this exact same conversation. The fire in their relationship had long since burnt out and James wasn't exactly keen on rekindling it.

* * *

_The day had been cold and rainy. The light in the woods surrounding him was dim. The ground was cold and wet, but he didn't care. He brushed a hand through his messy hair. He scanned the area once more, gazing through the woods to sense any sign of peculiarity. But then, the most beautiful sight he could ever imagine came before his eyes._

_Through the looming cedar trees, came a young girl dressed in a dark blue gown. Her red hair gently rested around her shoulders. She stepped towards him, taking one glance behind her shoulder._

"_Hello," she said. Her voice was soft._

_He smiled at her arrival and walked toward her. "I've missed you," he said taking her hand in his. _

"_I've missed you, too," she said, gazing into his eyes. He pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her. He gently pressed his lips onto hers, cherishing every second of her presence._

* * *

"Its time to give him up," Belqua told Lily one evening as she gazed mindlessly at the ocean. "Its time to move on." 

"I'm trying, Belqua," she said. "I really am."

"You must! It's been four years. He's not going to come back. He's gone."

"I know that," Lily shouted angrily. "I know!"

"I'm sorry, but I heard Master Sirius talking of a baby, the other day."

Lily was speechless. "A baby? Are you sure?"

"Well, I only heard him through passing, but-"

"But I don't want to have a baby," she said.

"Well, I believe the kingdom is expecting you to produce a son to be an heir. They have been waiting for one ever since you got here."

Lily felt disgusted. She once again felt like an object that was only for one purpose. "I am not having a baby," she told Belqua firmly. _At least not with him_, she thought.

* * *

_He wrapped his arms around her as she let his tongue explore her mouth. They stood there embracing each other taking in the whole ideal. Finally she pulled away from him._

"_I have something for you," she said stepping away smiling. She pulled his arm with her._

_He smiled back at her, relishing in her radiating beauty. "Alright," he said allowing her to pull him deeper into the woods._

"_Back in my home," she began, "across the sea," she added with a smile, "we have an ancient myth about a boy and a girl who fell in love. The boy was a warrior and he was wounded in battle with a poisonous weapon and became unconscious. After failing to awaken, they claimed him dead and he was shipped out to sea."_

"_Poor guy," he said running a hand down her lower back._

"_Don't distract me," she teased in his ear. "Or you won't get what I want to give you."_

* * *

Similar to Sirius, Andromeda wanted a baby. But like Lily, James wasn't willing to give her one. The discussion of offspring often lead to angry quarrels and James spending the night in a pub drinking to take away his pains. 

"Andromeda we've been over this before," James said slowly. "I'm just not ready."

"But why not, James? You've got a stable job. We have a comfortable life in a nice home. I don't understand why you are so against this."

"I just don't want a baby! Can't we drop the subject?"

"No, James! We can't! Not everything is always on _your_ terms."

"Obviously if it wasn't you'd have your bloody kid already."

"Well, maybe I will just do that," she said defiantly.

"How? I don't see _you_ making any _sperm_."

"Are you _that_ ignorant, James Potter?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that maybe you're not the only one who finds me pretty."

"Great. Now we're fighting like bloody teenagers," he said pouring himself a glass of gin.

"Don't change the subject!" she yelled waving a finger at him.

"What do you mean by that? Are you cheating on me or something?" he asked pouring another glass.

She didn't reply.

* * *

"_The boy was found by a healer who was able to bring him back. She had to keep him hidden, though, for she was promised to another man. They fell in love, though."_

"_How touching," he commented nibbling her ear._

"_After his health returned, he left her to return home. They were both miserable after being separated but each knew it was for their own good. She was, after all, promised to another man._

"_Upon returning to his home land, the boy discovered his older brother, the one about to be king, would be married a week later. The news was shocking to the boy, but even more so when he discovered who the bride would be."_

"_The girl from across the sea."_

_She smiled at him. "Exactly."_

* * *

"Have you ever thought of having children, Lily?" Sirius asked one morning at breakfast. 

Lily hesitated at the question. "Children?" she repeated.

"Yes," he said nodding. "Children."

"Er –" she stammered. "No, I haven't, actually."

"Would you consider it?" His voice was sincere and he looked into her eyes.

"Sirius," she began.

"You don't have to decide now," he offered. "Just consider it for me. Please." He smiled hopefully at her.

She couldn't resist smiling back and nodding. "Alright," she said. "I'll consider it." He beamed back at her.

* * *

"_What did they do then?" he asked, nuzzling his face in her hair. She put her hands around his face and lifted it level with hers. She moved in close to him and kissed him gently._

"_They tried to… work around it, you could say."_

"_How so?" He looked into her green emerald eyes._

"_They met with each other secretly, behind the brother's back. They had a secret love affair." She kissed him passionately and slowly making every moment count. He moved his hands around underneath her gown._

"_Sounds familiar," he whispered into her ear._

* * *

"You're cheating on me?!" he yelled. "Is that what it is?" 

"Oh, James, its not like you were completely faithful either. I know you had a girl back home."

"And how did you know that?" he tried.

"You see, unlike you, I wasn't oblivious to the way you looked at me and the way you touched me. I always knew there was someone else on your mind. I always knew it."

"Then why did you marry me?"

She shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. "Does it matter now, even?" she asked through gritted teeth. "This obviously isn't working out."

He didn't reply but just emptied his glass and walked to the door grabbing his jacket. He opened it and stepped outside slamming the door without saying a word.

* * *

"_Did the brother ever find out?" he asked, kissing her neck. She moaned lightly and let him continue before answering._

"_Yes," she said it so quietly, that even being right next to her, he had to strain to hear her. "Their relationship tore them apart, especially the boy. He felt a sense of loyalty toward his brother and the guilt of sneaking around with his wife bore down upon him." _

_He let go of her and looked into her eyes. He saw something different in them, this time. Whether it was lust or fear he did not know. "Where are you going with this story?" he whispered, suddenly afraid, himself._

* * *

Lily stared out her window and watched as the sun set into the trees. It was time to move on, she told herself. She couldn't think of him forever. It had been four years. He wasn't coming back. She'd never see him again. What was she waiting for? 

Sirius entered the room, dressed for bed. He climbed in, and Lily joined him a moment later.

"Have a nice day, today?" he asked her.

"Yes. Did you?"

"I did as well," he replied and turned to blow out the candle that was lighting their room. She watched him as he closed his eyes to fall asleep. "Good night," he murmured, sleepily.

"Good night," she said. A few moments later, she spoke. "Sirius?"

"Yes," he mumbled.

"I've thought about what you asked me and I've decided."

"What's that?" he said, his eyes still closed.

"I'm ready to have children." She said it before she could stop herself. His eyes opened and he turned to her.

"Thank you," he said sincerely, kissing her. She kissed him back with all the feeling she had. And soon the kiss turned into something more and she found herself looking up into Sirius' face and trying all she could not to think of James.

* * *

"_The brother caught them one night, out in the forest," she continued. "His anger towards his brother and his wife was immeasurable." Her tone was serious now, not the playful, carefree jingle it had been. "He summoned them to death. But the boy miraculously escaped and rescued the girl. They fled into the forest where they tried to live happily._

"_The brother found them and condemned the girl to a life in prison and the boy to be hung. Upon seeing his dead body, she became distraught and drank a potion, poisoning herself._

"_They were buried next to each other in the forest. The myth says that two trees, honeysuckle and hazel, grow out of their graves and the branches are intertwined. The brother is said to have tried to cut the branches three times but the branches grew back every time. He eventually gave up."_

* * *

James returned the next morning to find the house silent. "Andromeda?" he called. "Are you here?" There was no answer. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He walked to the bedroom to see that all of her things were gone. He walked back out to the living room and noticed the same thing. Why was this happening? Why couldn't he just be happy with what he had? Why did he have to be tormented constantly with that face from his past? Moments later, the door opened and Andromeda walked in. She didn't greet him. 

"Hello," he began. "What happened to all your stuff?"

"I'm leaving," she said abruptly.

"What?" he asked confused. "Where are you going? All your family is back home."

"I'm staying with a friend."

"Its _him_, isn't it?" he asked. "You're going to him, aren't you?"

"James, please don't do this—" she began.

"Answer me!" he yelled at her. She just shook her head and grabbed a few random objects from the kitchen. "Andromeda!" he continued to yell. "Answer my fucking question!"

"Yes, James!" she bellowed back. "Yes, I'm going to him. I'm going where I am wanted. I'm going where somebody will love me and I can love somebody back. I'm tired of putting out all my heart to you and you stomping away leaving it to grow dust in the corner. I'm tired of looking in your eyes and seeing someone else. I'm going away to someone who loves me. I'm leaving you."

She stomped out of the house and slammed the door. He stood in the middle of the room for a few moments without moving. Her words stung him. He walked slowly to the sofa and collapsed onto it. What had he done?

* * *

"_The myth says that the boy was from here," she motioned around her, "this country. And also it says that they were buried here." She stepped her foot gently onto the ground they were standing on._

_He looked up and saw two large trees with branches so tangled he couldn't tell which branch belonged to which tree. "These are their graves," he said, his voice trailing off into the air._

"_I don't want to be that couple," she said turning his face back to hers. "I don't want that fate." He swallowed and nodded, not taking his eyes away from her. "You must promise me," she said taking his hand in hers, "you must promise me that that won't be us."_

"_I-I don't know if I can promise you that. I love you," he said._

"_You have to," she said forcefully. There were voices coming from their trail. They both turned to look. "Please, promise me," she said quickly taking another glance behind her._

"_I promise," he replied. She smiled_

"_I love you, too," she said and kissed him quickly before scurrying away._

* * *

Lily entered her chamber one evening to find Sirius staring out the window, solemnly. "Sirius, darling," she said to him. He didn't turn to her, and continued to stare out at the ocean. "Sirius, what's wrong?" she asked and moved over to him. Once she was close to him, he grabbed her waist and pulled her to him. He hugged her belly and rubbed his hand over her newly developed bump. 

"He's dead," he murmured. Lily was confused. James flashed before her eyes.

"What do you mean? Who's dead?" she asked.

"Peter," he said. He wasn't crying and there were no tears in his eyes, but he clutched to Lily so hard, that Lily had to pry his hands away from her bodice.

"Come to bed, darling," she said helping him up and walking him to the bed where he laid down and stared up at the ceiling.

* * *

_He stood alone in the woods. A breeze passed through giving him the chills. The absence of her presence made him cold. His cheek pulsed where she had just put her lips. His hand tingled where she had just let go of him. Or was it something else?_

_He opened his hand and looked to see a small hazelnut and a honeysuckle she had placed there. He smiled and took a closer look at them. He knew the honeysuckle would dry out, as he was sure she knew too. He inspected the small nut to see each of their initials carved on the side._

* * *

James was at work, when he got the letter. Andromeda had been gone for a couple of weeks. She had moved in with some man by the name of Ted Tonks on the other side of town. James would see them occasionally in town, holding hands and laughing. At the first sight of them he'd sulk into the shadows and walk in the opposite direction of them. He was miserable, trying to find any excuse to return home. Finally it came. 

It was a letter from Remus saying that Peter had died. He had contracted a rare form of rabies after experimenting on rodents. He had driven himself insane. The funeral would be held when James returned. James couldn't say he was completely devastated by Peter's death. He shed no tears for him, but it just showed James how he had been wasting his life and how he couldn't dwell on the past. He had to move on because there might be no tomorrow.

As James packed his belongings on the eve of his return he came across a small pouch that had been hidden in a book. It had fallen out easily while he moved things around. He opened the small bag curiously, unsure of its contents. He poured them out onto the table. There were only two things inside.

The first thing that rolled out was a small nut. At the sight of this, James knew exactly what else lay inside the bag. He pulled it out carefully, making sure not to break it. He sat it down next to the nut. It was the honeysuckle and the hazelnut. He sighed, sadly as he looked at the objects in front of him. I'm going to move on, he said, placing the honeysuckle carefully back into the pouch. He picked up the nut, but the letters inscribed on it caught his eye. Although he knew what they were, he had stared at them for long hours, on nights long ago; he traced his finger over them as if he had never seen them before. He had never realized it before, but she had used her maiden name on the nut, even though she gave it to him after she was married.

It doesn't matter anyway, he said to himself and put the nut back into the bag. He looked around at a place to put the bag. He couldn't find a safe enough place for it, so he simply stowed it away inside his pocket. It would be safe there, he decided.

* * *

**A/N:** I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It was quite fun to write! I hope you enjoyed reading it! I kind of thought of the flashbacks like how they do it in Lost. Lol. Just thought I'd share that. :) Also please, please, please review! 


	11. Homecoming

_X. Homecoming – a return to one's home_

James inhaled the sweet, salty air of his home as he stepped off the boat that brought him there. He was glad to be back. Sirius and Remus met him at the dock. He hugged each of them, as neither spoke a word.

"Where's Andromeda?" Remus finally asked on the way to town.

"She stayed behind," James grunted not wanting to talk much of the subject.

"I see," Remus said, understanding.

"Why didn't she want to come? She knew Peter also," Sirius commented.

James looked at him and he understood. "Oh," he said quietly. "I see."

"How's Lily?" James asked, uneasily, his heart pounding.

"She's pretty good," Sirius said. "She's pregnant," he said it as a side note, as if it were old news. James stopped in his tracks.

"She's what?" he asked.

"Pregnant," Sirius repeated. "Meaning she's going to have a—"

"I know what it means," James snapped, briskly walking toward the castle, leaving Sirius and Remus behind in a slight state of confusion.

"What's up with him?" Sirius asked.

Remus looked anxiously at James' back. "Probably just moody from the trip."

* * *

Staring out the window, Lily's heart gave a small flutter as she saw a tall man with messy black hair stomp up to the entrance of the castle. James was back. But where was Andromeda? Lily felt her heart pounding at her chest. He was back. He returned. What did that mean between them? 

"Belqua!" she called. "Belqua, come here!" Belqua appeared in the doorway looking worried. "Oh, no its not that. James is back!" she said.

Belqua nodded. "Yes, I know, Lily," she said it slowly, watching for Lily's reaction.

"What?" she asked. "I don't care anymore. I've let him go. I'm over it."

"I'm not so sure you are, Miss Lily," she said, warningly.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You don't know anything, Belqua." She walked past her and out into the main hall where James was talking to some others. She was over him. She really was. Now they could just be friends, no strings attached.

"James," she breathed at the top of the stairs. He turned to look at her. She smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Lily," he said as she walked slowly down the stairs, one by one. She ran down the last step and threw her arms around him.

"I've missed you," she said, inhaling his scent.

"It has been a long time," he agreed. They stood like this for a few moments in each other's arms. There was nowhere else Lily would rather be, than standing there in James Potter's arms. But reality came back to her almost as soon as it left and she remembered the group that was probably gaping at them. She let go of him awkwardly and pulled away.

"Hi," she said, smiling.

"Hi," he replied.

"Where's Andromeda?" she asked curiously looking around.

"She—" he began. "She stayed behind," he said quietly.

"Oh," Lily said. "I see." James nodded.

"I – er – heard you were pregnant," he said feebly. Lily's heart dropped.

"Yes," she said looking away from him. "Four months." He glanced at her stomach, which was starting to take a round form. "Are you here to stay?" she asked with a hint of hope in her voice.

He swallowed. "I'm not sure. I haven't decided yet."

Lily nodded and they stood together awkwardly. "Well I really should be…" she began motioning upstairs.

"Yeah, me too," he agreed nodding to the group behind him.

"Ok," she said. "Will I see you later?"

He smiled and nodded. "Probably at dinner," he said.

She smiled and turned to retreat back up the stairs. "James?" she called a few steps later. He turned back to her. "I really am glad you're back," she said trying to make it sound forgiving. He smiled at her and nodded, then turned away.

* * *

The funeral for Peter went by fast for James. He wasn't sure why but he couldn't muster up feeling for his poor belated friend. Perhaps it was the fact that they had never cared much for each other, or the fact that it was Peter's idea to spy on him. James wasn't sure, but looking over at Sirius and Remus, he couldn't help but feel guilty that he was not sorry Peter was gone.

Lily was dressed in black, as was everyone else, but she looked amazing to James. His sore eyes couldn't ask for a better sight. He was careful not to stare at her too much, in front of Sirius. She was pregnant after all. She was over him. She moved on. Couldn't James do that too? Couldn't he move past it all, like she had? These were the woes Remus expressed to him later that evening.

"She's moved on," he said. "You need to do the same."

"I know, Remus. I know. And I have," James said.

"James, I'm serious. You need to make sure that you are over her. For your sake, for her sake and Sirius'."

"Remus, I _know_," James repeated. "I have moved on. I really have."

Remus peered at him carefully. "Alright," he said finally. "I'll leave you alone, for now. But if I see so much of a glimpse of that look in your eyes…" he warned.

James smiled. "Don't worry Remus. You won't. You won't."

* * *

"So, have you thought of any names?" James asked one morning at breakfast. Lily gaped at him. He had taken the news of her pregnancy surprisingly better than she thought he would have.

"We have, actually," Sirius said happily. "We thought we'd name him Orion if it's a boy. Like my middle name."

"Right, right," James said nodding. "And if it's a girl?"

"Well, we haven't decided on a girl's name, yet," Sirius said. "_I_ want Dorcas—"

"And I want Dahlia," Lily interjected.

James nodded. "To keep the flower precedent?" he asked her.

She smiled at him. "Exactly. Sirius just doesn't understand that," she said.

"And you think he would because he wants to name the boy Orion, after his ancestors," James continued.

"Exactly! See Sirius, James understands!" Lily teased.

"What is today? Bash-Sirius Day?" Sirius said, putting his arm around Lily.

"No," she said scooting away from him. "Today is Sirius-Is-Wrong Day."

"And Lily-Will-Get-What-She-Wants Day," James offered.

"_You're_ supposed to be on _my_ side," Sirius accused at James.

"Sorry Sir," James said. "But I just don't think I'd want my kid to be named Dorcas. I mean think of all the insults that they could come up with."

"Shut up, James," Sirius said, punching his friend in the arm and continued to eat his breakfast. James leaned over the table to steal a glance at Lily. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. Her heart fluttered when he did. She had missed him so much when he was gone.

* * *

"So how have you been?" James asked Lily as they took a walk around the garden. It was just the two of them; Sirius was busy deciding of what to do with the Giants that had rested upon the outskirts of the land with his advisors.

"I've been really well, James," she said. "It was a little hard at first, I'll admit that," she said. "But I just told myself I had to move on." She was being completely honest with him. He wasn't sure if he could give her back his complete honesty. "I think it all worked out well, don't you?" She sounded a bit unsure and James knew that _this_ had been a lie. But he decided to go on with it anyway.

"Yeah, it probably did," he agreed, looking away from her.

"How were you? Did you like it over there?" she said, trying to move to a lighter subject.

"It was…" James began, "bright."

She laughed. "Go ahead," she urged. "You can say it."

"It was horrible," James admitted. "I really did _not_ like it there."

She smiled at him. "That's how I feel about this place," she said honestly.

"Oh, but here its _so_ much better," he said.

She made a sour face. "Its so dark here. And cold."

"Its so light there. And hot," he replied.

She rolled her eyes at him. He felt her hand brush his lightly, which made his heart skip a beat. He looked around. "This is a very beautiful garden," he said. "I don't remember it much."

"Its new," she admitted. "I've been working on it, the past couple years."

"It looks great!"

"Thanks. I'm surprised how well the flowers are doing with such a lack of sunlight."

He stopped at a bed of lilies. "These are beautiful," he said. "May I?"

"Certainly. You can put it in your room to lighten the place up," she said.

"Oh its plenty light in there," he said snapping up a flower.

"No its not," Lily said shaking her head.

"How do you know?" James asked. She smiled at him. "Did you go in there?" he asked embarrassed. She nodded, still smiling at him. "Oh," he blushed. His room had always been very messy. "And what did you think?" he asked.

"A bit… dark."

"And clean, don't you think?"

She laughed. "Of course, clean," she said sarcastically.

"Yes, I'd have to agree with you," he said. They were nearing the castle entrance. She would have to leave to get ready for dinner. James didn't want her to leave. He loved spending time with her, just the two of them.

"Well, I think I have to go," she said as she stepped up on one of the steps leading to the entrance.

"Of course," he said. "It was lovely talking to you, this evening _Mon Chéri." _

"Lovely? _Mon Chéri?_ Is this the James Potter I remember or are you an imposter?" she asked.

He gave her a mischievous smile. "That's up to you to decide," he said as he took her hand and gave it a small kiss. "For you," he said handing her the lily.

She giggled as she took it. "_Merci_," she said giving a small curtsey. "_Au revoir_." She turned to leave skipping back into the castle.

"_Au revoir_!" he called after her. He watched as her red hair danced with every step. He watched her until she was no longer in sight. He sighed and took another walk around the garden. He missed her. He missed being with her.

How did things end up this way? He asked himself. How come she wasn't with him? It doesn't matter, he said shaking the thought out of his mind. "She's married to Sirius," he told himself aloud. "And she's going to have a baby." He thought speaking the words out loud would make him realize that he couldn't be with her, that there was no way, and that he still couldn't be in love with her.


	12. Loss

_XI. Loss – detriment, disadvantage, or deprivation from failure to keep, have, or get_

* * *

Lily gazed out her window at the figure sitting in the courtyard below her. He sat with his head in his hands running his fingers through his hair. She knew he must be in deep thought contemplating something. Lily knew the exact thing he was thinking for she was thinking the same thing. 

It couldn't happen. She couldn't be falling in love with him _again_. She just couldn't. She was in love with Sirius, the man who would do anything for her. She was going to have his baby, for goodness sake. She sighed and stood up, tearing her eyes away from the figure below her. She poured herself a glass of water and swallowed before retreating out of the room.

She stopped by the large meeting room underneath the stairs to find Sirius still surrounded by all his colleagues in deep conversation. She smiled as she watched him. He was handsome, with his long hair and his built frame. But he wasn't the man that made her heart melt. He was sitting in the courtyard outside. After a few moments, she left Sirius, to join James sitting outside.

"Hey," she greeted him taking a seat next to him.

"Hey," he replied.

"You look like you were in deep thought," she said.

He smiled. "I was."

"What were you thinking about?" she asked, but she knew she shouldn't have.

And before she could stop him he said it. "I'm still in love with you," he said and quickly looked away. She sat silent for a moment taking in his words. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have done that." He turned away from her.

"Its ok," she said. And before she knew it the words were flying out of her as well. "I'm still in love with you too." He looked at her, his eyes wide. She gave out a nervous laugh, and he smiled. She could feel her heart melt.

"So what are we supposed to do?" he asked. "Is it hopeless?"

"I don't know," she said quietly. Memories of the last time they had this conversation flooded her with fear.

He nodded in agreement. "I don't either," he said. "I don't know if I can just stop loving you. I thought getting away from you would do the trick, but to tell you the truth, it didn't." She was surprised at his honesty and openness. She thought he would have just kept in his feelings but here he was speaking them freely.

"I think I can say the same for myself. But, James, I can't. I just can't."

"I understand," he said glancing at her the bump on her belly. "I know."

"You know if I could, I would, right?" she said.

He turned to look at her. "I know," he said as he put a hand to her face and ran it through her hair. She closed her eyes. His touch sent vibrations down her spine. He retracted his hand suddenly, as if realizing what he was doing.

She opened her eyes and looked into his. She could see the longing he held for her. "Don't stop," she whispered pulling his hand to her.

He shook his head and took his hand back. "Lily, I can't," he said turning away again. "We can't."

She bit her lip and looked away. "I'm sorry," she apologized. They sat in silence for a few moments. A tear ran down her cheek. "I wish," she began, "that everything was different. I wish I had married you instead. I wish this," she hesitated, "was your baby."

He looked at her and wiped away the tear on her cheek. "Don't say that," he whispered. "Don't ever say that, Lily." The words stung her. She looked at him, with hurt in her eyes. "Sirius can give you what you need. I can't. Sirius can take care of you."

"But I don't need to be taken care of!" she exclaimed angrily. "I don't need anything you can't give me."

He gave her a small smile. "You may think that you don't, but you do. I'm no good for you, anyway."

She put a hand to his face. "You're everything for me," she said moving closer to him. She could smell his scent, he was so close. She knew she shouldn't, but she couldn't stop now. It was too late now. His face was awfully close to hers. She closed her eyes as he did his. She could almost taste him he was so close.

"We can't," he said, his lips almost brushing hers as he spoke. He stood up abruptly and left leaving her alone in a whirlwind of pain and confusion.

* * *

"Damnit James!" Remus exclaimed after James had told him what had happened. "You didn't kiss her, did you?"

"No, Remus!" James protested. "_I_ was the one to stop it. I was the one who left."

Remus sighed a sigh of relief but his expression of anguish remained. "James, you _can't_. You can't do anything. Go away again if you have to. If Sirius ever found out…" his voice trailed off.

"I'm not going away again. I can handle this," James said. "I can resist her. I really can."

"Maybe we should find you another girl," Remus offered.

"No!" he said almost immediately. "I mean, no thanks. I don't need one."

"James, yes you do. _I_ don't need a girl. _I'm_ the type of person that doesn't, but you. _You_ do."

"What are you talking about Remus? No I don't. I'll be fine!"

Except, James knew Remus was right. He needed someone to distract him. He needed someone to fall in love with. But was there anyone left? He didn't want to go through what he went through with Andromeda again. But could there be anyone else that he could love more than he loved Lily?

The truth was that he had always had it in his head that he'd eventually end up with Lily. He always figured that somehow Lily and Sirius would break up and he and Lily would runaway together and live happily ever after. He didn't know how, he didn't care how. All he cared about was being with Lily.

But a part of his brain had always nagged at him that they wouldn't separate. They'd always be together and she would eventually stop loving James. It was one of his worse fears. The worst fear was that Sirius would somehow find out about them; walk in on them kissing or worse. Sirius would be devastated by this. Both Remus and James could only imagine what Sirius would do once he found out.

And this was his dilemma. What he was going to do, he had no idea. What could he possibly do? Wait, was his answer. He would wait until something drove Lily and Sirius apart. That was the only thing he could do.

* * *

Ever since James' return, a feeling of paranoia followed Lily around like a hawk. It nagged at the back of her brain every time she looked at Sirius and every time she looked at James. Often times she would dream about a plan to drive Sirius away from her, but she had never come up with one. And now another attachment to him grew in her stomach.

She didn't think often of her child. After all, she couldn't help but feel a feeling of displeasure and unwant toward it. She knew this was wrong, but she just couldn't help it. She didn't want this child. She didn't want to raise it with Sirius. But what was she to do?

Sirius was the complete opposite of her. He spoke often of the unborn child. He spoke of the activities they'd do together, of the games and sports they'd play and of the stories they'd read together. Lily could only smile and nod at his excitement. She longed to agree with him and suggest other activities but she couldn't find it in her to do so.

She cried silently at night, after Sirius had fallen asleep. She had never felt so unhappy in her life. She missed her home. She hated always being cold. Her feet and back constantly ached. And her heart yearned for the man she could never have.

* * *

A response to Lily's woes came a few months later. She had woken up dreadfully ill and Sirius had Belqua fetch a doctor. He was asked to be excused while the doctor examined her and he paced back and forth outside the door impatiently. The doctor was with her for what seemed to him ages. James joined him during his wait.

"Calm down, Sir," he said. "Everything will be all right. Trust me. Just sit down."

Sirius took a seat tapping his foot up and down. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "What if its not? What if its not James?"

James looked wearily at his friend, for he had had the same feeling too. He knew it was not all right. Something happened. Sirius was a mess. Constantly fidgeting, he had developed another tick of clearing his throat constantly.

"Maybe we should get a drink," James offered to his friend.

Sirius sighed. "I'd rather stay here," he admitted.

James looked sternly at him. "We need to get some fresh air," he demanded of his friend. "Lets go for a walk."

They exited the castle and took a walk down toward the water. Sirius was very antsy and James tried to calm him down. "Just take three deep breaths and clear your mind. Think of something else," he suggested. Sirius obliged and inhaled and exhaled three times. He closed his eyes and listened to the waves crashing on the shore.

He was silent for a few long moments before speaking. "What ever happened between you and Andromeda?" he asked finally. James was a bit surprised by his question.

He sighed before answering. "She met someone else," he muttered looking away.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Sirius said. James nodded, wanting to change the subject. After that, Sirius went back to his old nervous habits. Finally they wandered back to castle and back up to wait in front of the door to where Lily was. Remus joined them a few moments later.

"Haven't heard anything yet?" he asked. James and Sirius each shook their heads. "How you holding up?" he asked Sirius.

Sirius just shrugged his shoulders then cleared his throat and continued to pace in front of the door.

"And you?" Remus added to James raising his eyebrows.

James gave him a weak smile and nodded. Just then the door opened and the doctor stepped outside closing the door behind him. He looked gravely at Sirius who stood before him. He didn't speak.

"Well?" Sirius asked impatiently.

"I'm sorry," the doctor said. "We lost the baby."

"What?" Sirius repeated, stunned. "You…" He couldn't say it. He sat down immediately and put his hands in his head.

"I'm sorry," the doctor repeated.

"How is she?" Remus asked.

"She's very weak right now. She's sleeping. She needs rest for a couple more days. I left some things with Belqua to give her during the next few days. This is more of an emotional thing than a physical thing. It'll take more of a toll on her conscious than her body."

"Right," Remus agreed. "Well, thank you," he said bidding the doctor a farewell because he knew Sirius or James wouldn't. The doctor left. Sirius and James hadn't moved. Sirius' head was in his hands and James sat frozen staring straight forward. "Sirius did you want to go in and see her?" Remus asked.

Sirius nodded mindlessly and opened the door and walked inside.

"James," Remus said, "let's go for a walk." James nodded like Sirius had done and stood up to follow Remus.

* * *

Lily sat staring out the window at the water. She watched the waves crash onto the rocks. She had been in a mindless whirl the past few weeks. She had hardly eaten and had hardly left her room. She heard the door open and someone walk in. She didn't know who it was and she didn't care to know.

"I'm sorry, Lily." It was James. She hadn't seen him since it happened. She didn't respond but continued to stare outside. He took a step toward her. "I just wanted to tell you that," he said. "I'm sorry." She heard the door open and close as he walked out.

When it was dark and she couldn't see the water anymore, she stood up and walked to the bed. She climbed between the sheets and stared up at the ceiling. She heard Sirius come in and she felt him climb into the bed next to her. She rolled away from him. Some time later she heard him begin to snore.

She couldn't sleep with him next to her. She could feel the heat radiating from his body underneath the covers. All though for as long as she had been here, she had been cold, now she was always warm. She was always sweating; she was always hot.

The loss of the baby had strange effects on Lily. Although she had not cared for it, it tore her apart inside to not have it. A small part of her had always seen herself holding a daughter, carrying one in her arms. Now she would never have that. Now it would never happen.


	13. Transition

_XII. Transition – movement, passage, or change from one position or state_

* * *

"I'm worried about Lily," Sirius told James one afternoon. They were outside walking together by the water. "She hasn't spoken a word in four weeks. She barely eats and she won't come out of that room. Not even Belqua can get a word out of her."

James nodded listening to his friends. "What can I do?" he offered, unsurely.

"Talk to her. You and her always got along well," Sirius said. "Maybe you can get something out of her."

James swallowed. He had tried various times to talk to Lily, but every time she simply tuned him out. "I'll try," he told his friend. "But I don't think I'll have as much luck as you did."

Sirius nodded. "As long as you try," he said, staring off into the distance. "This is ruining our marriage," he said. "I don't know what to do anymore, James. I don't know how to make her happy."

"Keep trying," James urged. "She'll come around, I know it."

Sirius shook his head. "That's what I told myself in the beginning. But now it seems hopeless. What am I supposed to do?" he asked.

James shrugged. "I-I don't know."

Sirius sighed. "I don't either," he admitted sadly.

* * *

"Please Miss Lily," Belqua begged. "Come out for a little walk. I'll be with you the whole time."

Lily simply shook her head. She was staring out at the water again.

"Talk to me, Lily," Belqua said. "Please, just talk to me."

Lily turned to look at her. She had deep circles underneath her eyes and was terribly thing. There was sadness in her eyes, not the spark that had existed once before. She shrugged her shoulders.

"Just say anything. Lily, please. You've got to move on."

There was a knock at the door. Belqua rushed to answer it. It was James. "Hi," he said. "Can we have a moment, you think?" he asked her.

Belqua sighed. "Today's not a good day," she muttered to him as she left the room closing the door behind her.

James stood next to her, a few feet away watching her. She had averted her attention back to the window. She could feel his eyes boring into her, and it was starting to make her uncomfortable.

"How have you been?" he asked her awkwardly. She didn't respond. "Lily, I'm really sorry about what happened. I am." Lily could hear something strange in his voice, something he was holding back to make it not crack. He shuffled his feet and then moved closer. His presence was soothing to her. It calmed her worries and feelings slightly.

"Maybe this wasn't the right time," he offered to her. "Your baby will come another time. It will, I promise." She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. She felt them move down her cheek. He moved over to her and put his arms around her, stroking her head. She cried silently for a few moments before looking up at him.

He had worry in his eyes as he looked back at her. It felt so right, to Lily, to be here. It felt so right to have his arms around her. When Sirius had, she didn't want to be touched, but with James, she wanted him to touch her everywhere. The moment changed from two friends comforting each other to something more. Something beyond what either of them could evaluate.

Their faces were close. Lily could see her reflection in his eyes. She leaned in to him closing her eyes. Her heart stopped for a moment, when she didn't feel him, but then he came. He pressed his lips to hers sending a spark throughout her body. She returned his kiss with all the pain and all the hurt she had felt during all those solitary weeks.

He pulled away finally, searching for air. "Put your hands on me, James," she said in a whisper. James looked into her eyes, unsure. She wanted this. This was how it was supposed to be. This was right. James pressed his hands around her waist and picked her up and laid her on the bed. He pulled his shirt off and bent forward to kiss her again. She moved her hands across his smooth back and wrapped her legs around him.

He moved his mouth to her neck and she moaned lightly. "Please James," she said. "Make love to me." He stopped and looked into her eyes. She nodded to him as if to tell him this was what she wanted. He stared at her for a second, but then she grew tired of waiting and pressed her lips against his neck and began to move down his chest. She nibbled lightly at his nipples before moving down to his navel.

She could feel his growing hardness beneath his trousers, but he suddenly pulled her back up to him and kissed her again letting his tongue roam freely around the inside of her mouth. He put his hands on her waist and pushed her further up on the bed. He slid his hands up her sides as he moved the dress over her head. She raised her arms to allow its journey off her body and onto the floor.

He put his hands on her breasts then moved his mouth to kiss them. She moaned his name, then moved to unbutton his trousers and let them fall to the floor. A few minutes later they were lying completely naked with each other, her hips grinding into him. Her fingers pierced his back as something welled up inside. He moved in and out of her until she couldn't bear it any longer. After she climaxed, he fell on top of her in exhaustion.

He laid his head on her chest and she stroked his hair. His breathing was uneasy and he was shaking. "You're trembling," she said to him, worried.

"I'll be all right," he told her and he rolled off of her searching around the room for his clothing.

"You're leaving?" she asked him as he buttoned his pants.

"We shouldn't have done this, Lily," he said. "I shouldn't have—"

"Its not your fault," she said. "Its mine. I wanted you to."

He sighed as he slipped his shirt back over his body. He sat back down on the bed. "Lily, I told myself when I came back here, that I wouldn't touch you and I wouldn't have feelings for you. But I can't do it when you do stuff like this."

"James, I love—" she began, but he stopped her.

"Don't even say it," he said. "You're married to Sirius. That's the end of it. It's been how many years now? I think we just need to accept it."

"But I want to be with you," she pleaded. "_You're_ the one that I want."

"But you're married! To my best friend! I could never do that to him," James said looking down.

"I'll leave him," she said slowly. He looked at her, as if to see if she was real. "James, I want to be with you. I'm tired of always having to sneak around. I'm tried of having to hide my true feelings. I want you, no one else."

He stared at her, with longing in his eyes. She began to feel hers well up with tears. "I'm sorry, Lily. But I just can't do it. Sirius is like my brother."

"Do you love me?" she asked him abruptly.

"Yes, of course I do," he said immediately.

"Then why won't can't we just runaway? We can be with each other with no strings attached. We can be happy," she said.

"Lily, you _know_ why I can't," he said.

"What if _I_ break up with him?" she asked. "What if _I_ ask for a divorce?"

He looked away from her. "I couldn't ask you to do that," he said.

"You're not. I want to," she said.

"No," he said with a little force. "It will just break Sirius and what will happen when he sees us together?"

"He won't. I'll go home after. And you come and join me," she said. She had been thinking of this plan for a while, but there always seemed to be flaws. Now, as she told it to James, it seemed flawless.

"I don't know," he said.

"Why don't you love me?" she asked with hurt in her voice.

His head snapped to hers. She searched his expression for any answer. "I love you," he said. "I do. I love you more than anything, but I'm just not sure about this. I know the time for you and me will come. I don't know when it will come and I don't know how, but I do know that it will."

She sighed. "You're right," she said. "But will you please think about it? I'm tired of all this. I don't love Sirius like I love you. I want to live a happy life with you. I want to grow old with you. I want to… have your child." He turned toward her and pressed his lips on hers.

"I have to go," he said, and left the room without another word.

* * *

James watched Lily come down to breakfast the next morning. Sirius beamed when he saw her. She gave him a small smile. "Its so great to see you out and about!" he exclaimed when she took her seat. 

"Yes," she nodded. "It feels good to get out." She looked over a James and gave him a big smile. He looked away uncomfortably, hoping that Sirius didn't see it.

"Well I missed you," Sirius said leaning over to kiss her, but she turned to her plate leaving him hanging in mid air. James took a swallow of pumpkin juice to keep himself from laughing.

"Would you like to go for a walk this morning?" Sirius asked her.

"With you?" she said raising her eyebrows.

"Yes, of course, with me. Who else?" he asked.

"Well, I'd like to go with James," she said taking a bite of toast.

Sirius looked confused. He looked at James then back at Lily. "With James? Well, sure, I guess if you wanted to, you could," he said.

"I'm going to," she said standing up. "Ready?" she asked James.

"Er… yes," he said putting down his fork. Lily made her way out the door. James gave Sirius a shrug as he caught up with her. Remus gave him a warning look when he saw them walk away together.

Once outside and behind a tree, Lily wrapped her arms around him and began to kiss him.

James shook his head and pushed her away. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, with this! What are you doing?"

She looked hurt. "I don't understand," she said. "Don't you want to? I don't care if Sirius knows! I love you and that's all that counts."

"Well, I care!" he said. "I don't want him to know."

"Why are you so afraid of him knowing? What would he do anyway?"

He shook his head. "You don't know Sirius like I do," he told her. "You have no idea what he is capable of."

"It can't be _that _bad," she said shaking her head.

"Just stop all this, ok? I don't want him to know," he said.

"But James I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of hiding it. I just want to be with you. And you want to be with me, don't you?"

He sighed and looked away. "Maybe I don't anymore," he said. This was the only way.

She looked shocked and confused. "What?" she asked clearly bewildered.

"We just can't do this anymore," he repeated. "I want things to stay like they are."

She looked as if he had just slapped her across the face. "Well, fine," she said picking up her dress and walking away. "Goodbye Mr. Potter," she called behind her shoulder.

James groaned and kicked the air. It wasn't something he wanted to do, but it was the right thing. Wasn't it?

He wanted to be with her more than she could ever know. Why couldn't she just see as reasonably as he did? Why couldn't she see the consequences that faced them if anyone found out?

* * *

Lily sat alone on the shore watching the sun set. The water reflected the sun's red and orange rays. For a moment she felt like she was at home again. But then when she looked down at her left hand, she remembered she wasn't. Her arms were wrapped around her legs and she rested her head on her knees.

She loved James and she knew he loved her. She was tired of pretending to be in love with Sirius. She felt like a string that was stretched out to far and about to break. Why didn't he want to be with her? She couldn't understand it. Before he left he was pining for her. He'd have done anything. But now he was… different.

"Hello," a voice came from behind her. She turned around and saw James standing there smiling.

"Hi," she said and turned back to the sun.

"May I?" he asked standing next to her.

She shrugged and he sat down. "I thought you didn't want to be with me," she said not looking at him.

He gave a small laugh and paused before speaking. She turned to look at him. "Well, I guess I changed my mind," he said and leaned in close to her and pressed his lips on hers. "I love you, Lily," he whispered and she smiled at him.


End file.
